If you have a cat, you love that cat. You envy that cat. You probably want to be that cat. I mean, why wouldn’t you want to curl up in a ball, sleep 20 hours a day, get reliably fed and pampered with snuggles, and totally ignore the endless horrors of the 24/7 news cycle?

Minus going to the bathroom in a box, being a cat seems like a pretty sweet deal.

While we’re unable to make a feline-human “Freaky Friday” switch a reality, we can tell you how to eat, drink, and party like the kitten you yearn to be. Take a lesson from Ariana Grande and put on your best sequined cat ears and get ready to unleash your inner lion!

What’s on the menu?

broiled soy-ginger salmon

Chowhound

Being a cat may seem unenviable from a dietary perspective, but oh you’re so wrong. Cats eat a protein-rich diet, full of fish, chicken, and other meats, so you have that going for you.

While humans can technically eat canned cat food without too much medical risk, it’s inadvisable from a health and taste perspective. The ingredients in a typical can of cat food include turkey and chicken byproducts, taurine, and ash. While human kidneys could technically process such high mineral content, it’s not an ideal way of living the cat lifestyle.

When appropriating a feline diet, stick with fresh fish. We recommend salmon and tuna. Chicken works too. Just make sure it isn’t raw or spoiled. Also it should ideally be cut into small pieces to fit in your delicate mouth and adorable pink tongue. Be careful not to get any stuck in your whiskers either.

What can I drink?

Shutterstock

If you’re not so keen on lapping water out of a bowl, opt for a more creative option: catnip tea. Sure it will require the use of your very-human thumbs to make it, but it will also allow you to take pleasure in one of your cat’s greatest delights. Catnip, (nepeta cataria, as it’s scientifically known) is a member of the mint family and is totally safe for human consumption, plus it’s known to have some healthy digestive and sedative properties as well.

To make the tea, you’ll need dried flowers and stems from a catnip plant, about one or two teaspoons is ideal. Just mix with boiling water and you’re set. You can add lemon or honey if you want to offset some of the bitter, woodsy flavor too.

But be forewarned, instead of getting you hyped up to play with a ball of yarn, it will have the opposite effect. Much like chamomile, it’s known to be soothing and can induce sleepiness. Which is also perfect if you want to tap into your inner kitty and curl up for a cat nap.

But I want wine!

Apollo Peaks Pet Beverages

Cat wine totally exists! Well, sort of. Pinot Meow is one of the crazy concoctions created by Apollo Peak Pet Beverages.  The “wine” doesn’t actually contain any alcohol. Instead, it’s a smooth blend of red beets, water and yes, more catnip. One glass is the perfect way to unwind after a tough day of mouse hunting and laser pointer chasing. (Will we ever catch that pesky red dot?)

What should we play?

The best party games to play as a cat (or for the less-committal folks in the back) with your cat all involve the thrill of the chase. Everyday objects like string and feathers can provide hours of entertainment.  Or for more high-tech variations, watch some amazing fish and bird videos on YouTube. They’ll have you pouncing at the screen.

What are some more human foods I can enjoy as a cat…I mean with my cat?

Fully cooked whole grains, cooked eggs, small amounts of cheese and certain veggies are usually okay for cats to snack on. Always check with your vet before feeding any people food to your pets.

What can’t we eat?

Chocolate, grapes, and alcohol are all huge no-nos. So if you’re looking to fully embrace the cat lifestyle, you make have to make a couple sacrifices. But it’s a small price to pay for the bounty of sleep and snuggles you’ll get in return.

Header image courtesy of Shutterstock.

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