I have to confess: I have reason to believe I exhibit martyr behavior in the kitchen. The horrors!
See, from my perspective, nobody knows my kitchen. People ask if they can get me things, but why, when I'd have to tell them in detail where it is? People ask to wash dishes, but why, when I have to tell them what can go in the dishwasher and what cannot. (I tried to get over this one year and sacrificed cast iron, which some people, apparently, think can be washed with soap.) Ostensibly "helping" people set pans off the stove onto plastic cutting boards, load my knives in the dishwasher, and use my rather pricey Rosle cheese knife to chop vegetables. Yeah.
But, I was reading an article on how to handle annoying relatives over the holidays (see how self-righteous I was feeling?) and there I was: the martyr. She's clearly overworked, but will not accept help.
Here is my ideal scenario: I would like help and/or company during the sort of boring early prep stages. During the last stages, I would like all people who are not setting the table, lighting candles, etc. to go away. I would especially like them to not ask me for anything, or to decide to make complicated espresso drinks in the middle of my kitchen a hour before dinner. Is this possible? Can this be arranged without people hating you?
So, how to resolve this? All advice is 100% welcome.