Restaurants & Bars

Ontario (inc. Toronto)

I hate myself for going to Harbour Sixty


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Restaurants & Bars Ontario (inc. Toronto)

I hate myself for going to Harbour Sixty

Fwagra | | Nov 18, 2007 06:17 AM

It had been a while. A friend had enthusiastically recommended the "seafood tower". I left feeling like I had just been swindled by a three-card monty game on the streets of Athens. I should have known, I know, that this place is no good. The telltale signs are all there: proximity to numerous sports venues; busty, bleached, women clinging to muscular men with frosted tips.

The ladies started with a pair of $85 “seafood towers”. This is a large platter of mostly crushed ice, strewn with a few pieces of obviously thawing seafood. One would think that service on ice would imply fresh seafood, no? My wife hands me an oversized shrimp, challenging me to find any redeeming quality in it, aside from its size. I bite it. It’s overcooked, a bit waterlogged, and totally without sweetness. A “half lobster” has either been robbed of its contents before being plated, or is the tail of a less-than-one-pound lake lobster of some sort. It also has been frozen. A single stone crab claw is equally devoid of flavour after its long and pointless cryogenic journey from Florida. This platter pretends to be a carefully picked selection of fresh sea treasures. In fact, it is little more than Captain Highliner for the Toronto Maple Leafs set.

My appetizer is a crabcake, and a fairly good one.

The steaks were large and decent, much like you would find at Morton`s or any other steakhouse. One cannot criticize Harbour Sixty too much on their meat alone. But the sides are disgusting. We ordered creamed spinach, onion rings, and macaroni and cheese. The creamed spinach was… well, they don`t know what the hell they`re doing when it comes to creamed spinach. This stuff was wilted spinach, drowning in a glutenous puddle of starchy white mess; I`m sure I detected some Kraft ranch dressing tossed in there too. Atrocious. The onion rings, which I thought could never be bad anywhere, were awful. They had no crunch. They were oversized (everything at this place is obnoxiously and gratuitously large). They were strewn with some kind of remoulade which made them mushy. The macaroni and cheese was actually not bad; and a bit of truffle oil added a nice touch.

My friend and I ordered wine by the glass. The wine mark-ups are about 940%. $140 for a bottle of 2006 Yellow Tail! I exaggerate, but you get the point. Anyhow, we ordered a glass of some California cabernet sauvignon made especially for Harbour Sixty. It tasted like a blueberry milkshake mixed with Crohnfelds Loganberry syrup. Yechh.

Dessert was coconut cream pie, which was good. Not Wanda`s or Scaramouche good, though. But, pretty good.

The bill for four was $600, before tip.

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