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Cooking for ******** (expletive deleted) You suck at cooking. You f*** up rice


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Cooking for ******** (expletive deleted) You suck at cooking. You f*** up rice

rworange | | May 5, 2010 08:07 PM

That really has been my cooking mantra, so I am addicted to the site Cooking for Assholes.

This is not a site for anyone offended by strong language. So do not click on the links and then post indignantly about it. Move on.

The surprising part is this site has really good recipes and cooking instructions … but written like someone like Howard Stern might write them.

With so many precious restaurant reviews, I like the lack of reverence but earnestness about food … damn, I hope this guy never reads this sentence as I can imagine what he would say.

Here’s a restaurant review about a cool-sounding place called The Red Fox Bar located in the back of a produce store. He writes …

“The good thing is that few people know about it so it is filled with neighborhood regulars and service industry people.

This place is about neighborhood, urbane discussion (i.e. fart jokes), and some pretty damn good food. The sonoran dog is the bomb. If you don't know what it is you better ask somebody. The gumbo is also amazing. They also use a lot of local produce from the produce store in the same building, sustainable meats, and all that bullshit. I love this place and you should too. Patronize it.”

The joint is in Portland, Or … or near it … you would never guess the menu also has items such as steak frites, Caesar salad, pancetta blue cheese burgers along with gumbo dogs.

I loved this guy taking apart a local food critic who ate some of his food at a charity event and then was unwise enough to write a review … a review too painful to read.

One of the comments

Review "chili stewed with various locally sourced veggies"

CFA comment:” The beans were from cans and so were the tomatoes. My red peppers and onions probably came from Mexico. My garlic was from a pre-minced jug.”

This isn’t a site about junk food though. He is into made from scratch and locally sourced.

Some interesting recipes

Fontina and Smoked Salmon Farfalle

"What the hell is farfalle?" Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to dumb it down for you. In layman's terms farfalle is bow-tie pasta but you can use the dinosaur shaped ones if you like

Garlic Spears

Fried Chicken III - Bacon Wrapped

Absinthe – Lemonade

Horseradish - Mint Sauce

Jalapeno Citrus Lime Chicken

Habanero Buffalo Burgers

Porcini Mustard

Tuna Casserole

Bambi Pie

How to Eat an Artichoke

Strawberry Lemon Pie

Brownies as Easy as Your Mom

Crab and Bacon Bloody Mary

I found the site when googling for asparagus. The instructions for making the quiche crust were like they were written just for me

Smoked Salmon, Asparagus, and Cheddar Quiche

Lots of beer reviews

“I usually can't stand fruit in beer but I remembered that I love Caldera's Dry Hop Orange so I figured I would give it a shot. Buckbean Brewing's Orange Blossom tastes like a fucking malt liquor Orange Crush. This is the shit scumbags buy to get high school girls drunk. This beer has zero redeeming qualities. If I were lost in a desert for a week and then I came across a six-pack of these on ice I would remove them from the bucket and eat the ice.”

This isn’t the usual lemming food website. It answers to no one. As he writes

“Okay people, I have never asked you for anything. I don't even have ads to click or some dumbass "donate" button. I don't want the petty cash you earn from coal mining in West Virginia, your social security, or even your food stamps”

I love this site.

Read it