The Only Job Potheads Can Get Is Tasting Burritos

Hey kids, do you partake of the drug known as marijuana? Then the only job you’re likely to get is as a burrito taster. That’s one of the messages the Office of National Drug Control Policy is sending in its new series of antidrug ads.

Designed to look like those ‘70s-era comic book ads for Sea-Monkeys and x-ray specs, the ads feature a mustachioed man holding a burrito and giving the thumbs-up. “Become a burrito taster!” the text reads. “Why waste the best days of your life going to college when you can train to become a BURRITO TASTER! Money, power and jet packs are just some of the benefits that a certified burrito taster enjoys. That, and ALL THE BURRITOS YOU CAN HANDLE!”

Tiny text at the bottom laconically adds, “Hey, not trying to be your mom, but there aren’t many jobs out there for potheads.”

Um. Putting myself in the mind of a teenager, burrito taster actually sounds like a pretty dreamy job. All the burritos you can eat? Other than a couch in a basement apartment, a video game console, and a connection to the Internet, what else can you aspire to in life? This is an antidrug ad how? No wonder yet another recent study found that the $1 billion antidrug campaign we’ve been waging since the 1990s hasn’t worked.

Also, did anyone tell the folks at the Office of National Drug Control Policy that burrito is actually slang for marijuana?

I’d like my tax money back now, please. And I’ll take my burrito with refried beans.