I Only Have Spices for You

Cookiecrumb at the blog I’m Mad and I Eat points us toward what might be the oddest food-related crime ever. In Fresno, California, authorities arrested a man who broke into a home and assaulted two men with spices and a sausage. The Associated Press reports: “The victims told deputies they awoke Saturday morning to the stranger applying spices to one of them and striking the other with an 8-inch sausage.”

Neither victim was injured, although money was stolen from the house. The suspect was quickly apprehended in the nearby orange grove where he was hiding. Bill McEwen at the Fresno Bee has a few more details, as well as a hilarious take on the crime. The spice rub was apparently the locally made Pappy’s, and before the sausage could be taken in as evidence it was eaten by the “family dog.” That last detail makes McEwen wonder what the dog breed was, noting the potential for such headlines as “Wiener dog wolfs down sausage wielded as weapon.”

McEwen also points to two other sausage-related crimes, proving that bangers have a history as a weapon. In June, a Florida man was detained after throwing a three-pound pack of Polish sausage at his mother, and in 2007 a British boy was arrested for throwing a cocktail sausage at a neighbor.

Frankly, this pattern of sausage-related violence is disturbing. Sausages just seem to bring out the wurst in some folks. What’s next, a gang of banger bangers?

(Insert your pun here.)

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