Everyone’s a Critic

A long time ago, like before the industrial revolution, I used to read a lot of zines for my work. One of my favorite elements was always the crazy product reviews. Zines like Beer Frame lavished the kind of attention on supermarket staples that car magazines spend on the latest models from GM or Toyota.

Thankfully, the do-it-yourself product review has survived into the Web 2.0 era. There are a few famous review blogs that are trusted sources on information on candy or chips. But what if you have very little pocket money and need to know if you can eat expired chips that have been plucked from a Dumpster?

Or what if you are curious about whether to buy a can of Jalapeño Spam? For that, you’ll need The Impulsive Buy, where one reviewer turns his consideration of a can of potted meat into a tour de force short story on the joy and pathos of life:

When the chorus of the song came on, he sang and danced along with his plate of Jalapeño SPAM, ‘I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour. I’ll be there for you, like I’ve been there before. I’ll be there for you, ’cause you’re there for me too.’

He ate half of the plate before he threw the rest down the sink out of remorse and the fact that the Jalapeño SPAM was frickin’ salty. Marvo ran into his bedroom and cried himself to sleep.

You’ll want to add a few product review blogs to your RSS feed, so when the latest frozen meal or fast food entrée gets released, you’ll be ready to make your purchasing decision.

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