Chocolate: Better Than Sex

“When it comes to tongues, melting chocolate is better than a passionate kiss, scientists have found,” says the BBC, writing of a British study that monitored the heart rates and brain activities of six couples whilst they ate chocolate (Cadbury’s new 60 percent dark, reports the BBC chirpily) and then kissed.

The volunteers, all twentysomethings, had electrodes stuck onto their scalps and wore heart monitors during the tests. Researchers compared resting heart rates with those measured while participants held chocolate in their mouths or kissed. Supposedly, heart rates soared from about 60 beats per minute to around 140 during the chocolate-eating portion of the testing, handily beating the pulses measured while the couples smooched.

Oh, and one more thing—the study was carried out by The Mind Lab, a private company that is (ding ding ding ding!) partly funded by “the food industry,” as the Guardian puts it. Ohhhh-kay. I get it, Cadbury. Who cares if one’s sex life is in the toilet? Suck on a chunk of choco and you can still get a buzz! Meet you at the feelies!