Death Be Not Hungry

We don’t yet know what Saddam Hussein’s last meal was, but the website the Spoof seems to have already put some thought into it. In one story, the Spoof suggested that Michael Jackson’s plea for Hussein’s life was unheard because of some cell phone company issues, so Saddam’s final meal of a Whopper with fries continued to be prepared. In another piece, the Spoof opined that he was pleading for “Death by Chocolate”.

Saddam Hussein has written an open letter to U.S. politicians and a human rights group requesting he be allowed to gorge himself on Mars chocolate bars until completely comatose, as part of his upcoming execution.

Riffing on the issue of botched executions by lethal injections, the Spoof suggests that death by Crock-Pot might be a good idea.

The thinking behind the change of heart by death penalty opponents is the so-called ‘boiled frog’ analogy. ‘If you throw a frog in a pot of hot water he will jump out,’ says Nathanson. ‘If you put a frog in cold water and gradually raise the temperature he won’t notice and will invite friends over for a hot tub party.’

Slow-cooked meats tend to retain their juices, making them more succulent. At present, the bodies of executed inmates are disposed of by burial, where they are devoured by worms, if at all. ‘It’s such a waste,’ says Eli Mannheim of the Committee to Feed America. ‘Throw in a few carrots and a potato and you could feed a family of four with a crack dealer or a three-time check forger.’

And since I’ve already reserved that corner table in Hell, I might as well continue with this particular strain of morbidness.

For over 20 years, the Texas Department of Criminal Justice recorded the gory details of executed prisoners’ last meals on their website. Apparently, it was the most popular feature on the entire site. However, a few years ago the meals of over 300 executed killers were expunged from the site because of claims they were “tasteless and demeaning.” (Couldn’t have been that tasteless—a lot of them ordered fried chicken.) However, if you are rabidly curious, The Memory Hole has managed to, ahem, resurrect them. Pardon the pun.

But not, apparently, the prisoners.

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