Chopstick Express -- how do I love thee! Let me sing the praise of your food, so that it shall reverberate from Mt. Nittany to Port Matilda. Hear me, Happy Valley, for I have found Sichuan Heaven right on my doorstep!!!
Ignore the American-Chinese menu offering the same-old, dumbed-down day-glo HFCS glop of deep-fried somethings over rice.
Instead, turn to the Chef's Specialties and thank me for the rest of your life. Like me, you will dream of the soft, pillowy deliciousness that is Ma Po Tofu, and you will crave it like crack-cocaine. You will suck down the Cold Sliced Pork despite the heaping piles of fresh and fried garlic, and the frightening amount of chili oil. You will revel in the highly addictive Hot & Spicy Pork like there is no tomorrow. You will slurp down the last Stir-fried Green Bean, even though you stopped being hungry half an hour ago.
Bring *at least* two friends, thus enabling you to order a stunning array of dishes to share, and -- despite your original plan to NOT stuff yourself to the gills -- roll home, barely capable of uttering another word, except maybe for a delirious "sooo -- Chopstick Express again tomorrow???"