As you may (or more likely, may not) know, Dish of the Month Uber-Dictator CSTR has declared me winner of the hard-fought bidding contest for the position of DotM Sous-Dictator for September, October, and November, 2013.
[People look at one another perplexed. Low-level murmuring]
It was an exhausting campaign, but somehow I prevailed. To all my financial backers and donors, and my Mom, a big thank you.
[Groans can be heard]
Sooo...I humbly accept!
[Polite applause mixed with a scattering of boos in the background]
For September, the Dish of the Month is....
[Drum rolls. Crowd grows very still.]
[Loud applause and cheering]
Any kind of prepared (as opposed to build-your-own) restaurant salad is fair game; Greek, Nicoise, Ceaser, Papaya, Crab Louie, Cobb...
[Shouts of "Whatever!!" interrupt]
[Crowd escalates into hysterical rapture and raucous revelry]
No fair starting before it’s actually September, though!
[Loud boos and hisses followed by murmuring, dying down as people walk out]
[The Sous-Dictator waves to an empty room]