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Kraft "Green Goddess" insanity

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Kraft "Green Goddess" insanity

BeaN | Aug 3, 2004 08:42 PM

I am a person of very few product loyalties. When I find something that I really like, I will buy that product without comparing prices. If you knew how frugal I really am, this would be remarkable to you.

If I need sour cream, it will be Breakstone's, even if it costs twice as much as anything else on the shelf.

Palmolive dishwashing liquid is the only thing I use. Do I use it because it's the "best" on the market? No, I use it because its smell brings back countless evenings sharing dinner with two couples that were neighbors when we lived in another state. Just a whiff of Palmolive and I am standing in that Portsmouth, Virginia kitchen hearing Bobbie’s infectious laughter as Bev tells us that her husband is asleep on the couch – again.

Soft drinks? I drink very little in the way of soft drinks now, but if I’m going to have cola, it will be Diet Coke. RC is on sale for half price? That doesn’t matter to me. Now if I saw a Tab, that might tempt me. . .

If I’m gonna make red beans and rice, I have to have Blue Runner brand beans. Can’t find those since I left New Orleans. Can’t get a muffaletta since I left New Orleans. Can’t get a beignet since I left New Orleans. Forget about eating king cake, that doesn’t exist outside of New Orleans. I can’t even get a go cup for my beer (much less find a drive-through daiquiri shop) since I left New Orleans. Even New Orleans’s own Popeye’s fried chicken is dumbed down to an insipid spice level outside of Louisiana. Why did we leave New Orleans? Oh, yeah – work. That d@mned income thing again.

When it comes to salad dressing, I generally prefer to make my own. There is almost always a squeeze bottle of my home-made vinaigrette in the refrigerator. I can’t tell you why I like Kraft Green Goddess. Maybe it’s because I grew up with it around. The truth is, why doesn’t matter. Taste is not necessarily amenable to rationality.

I just wanna have a reliable source to buy MY green goddess. In typical librarianly thoroughness, I have visited numerous local grocery stores (Albertson’s, Publix, Kash & Karry ((not to be confused with John Kerry)), Winn-Dixie, and the ever-dreaded Wally-World Stupor Center) . Those were Pilgrimages In Search Of this product. Okay, so the truth is that I did my weekly grocery shopping in a different store every week for a few weeks, but my underlying motivation was the Quest For Kraft Green Goddess Salad Dressing.

Alas, all search efforts have been futile.

As a last resort, hoping to dispel the homo-erotic dreams about delicious green goddesses, I went to the kraftfoods.com web page and searched for information about the elusive Green Goddess. About 40% of the links that I clicked harvested an error message. At last, I found a place to pen my paean to Green Goddess in hopes that The Powers That Be at Kraft could point me to a place where I might spend my dollars for the desired product. I wrote and edited, wrote and edited and wrote and edited some more. I even gave them the email address that I use for my professional correspondence, thinking that it might be taken more seriously than the “MsHnyB” address. At last, my missive was ready! I hit “Submit” and got - another error message.

If I was playing “Diablo, Lord of Destruction,” I’d never get to advance to the next level of play.

I’d be happy to buy it, but I can’t find it. I’m ready to make my own Green Goddess. I have parsley and chives aplenty growing in the flowerbeds. There is room for tarragon and green onions. Anchovy paste waits at the ready in the pantry. I know that once I get a home made variation down pat that I will never buy it again.

Do you mourn a product?

Even more important, can you buy Kraft Green Goddess where you live?

BeaNs
If the show fits, wear it. If the show doesn’t fit, quit crammin’ your foot into it, because you obviously aren’t Cinderella.

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