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If a host is rude to someone, is it OK to leave?

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If a host is rude to someone, is it OK to leave?

SamuelAt | Sep 23, 2016 05:22 PM

A colleague of mine, "Roz", invited a bunch of people over to her townhouse complex for an "End Of Summer Pool Party and Feast". My GF and I have had mixed success mingling with "Roz" - she's someone I not only work with, and I also have many friends in common with - but despite this, we have had our "ups and downs" to use one of her expressions mingling socially. She's observed that I have "struck out again" on some occasions when we have been at a gathering, but on quite a few others she's been a sheer hoot and life of the party. Don't get me started on her karaoke of "Teenage Dream" by Katie Perry! :-)

It has been about a year since we last got together, so much of the previous gaffes in social protocol which we have observed when "Roz" gets "frosty" have mellowed in our memories, and we looked forward to the pool party. For the "feast" we were all asked to bring a dish.

My GF and I spent a few days considering, but figuring it is a pool party we decided a cocktail snack was a great idea. Knowing Swedish meatballs would be expected and something probably someone else would bring, we decided to have some fun with our offering, and brought "wiki wiki tidbits" - AKA bacon wrapped prunes.

We went the whole nine yards - and I wore a Hawaiian Shirt, and my GF had a lay on over her strapless dress.

When we arrived, we immediately spotted "Roz's" BF "Jim" at the food table, sulky as usual, but at least we knew where to place the food.

"Roz" came over to greet us, and made an off color joke about "wiki wiki tidbits" - but to our relief she seemed pleased with our presentation. (This was NOT the case when we brought Crudites to another party...but that's an old case study.)

Music was playing (Katie Perry - her favorite, and a few others), and with the sun setting on a warm day it was very nice. We mingled, ate, and drank a few Sangrias from her punch bowl.

Guests came in, but what we did not realize was many who were at the pool were not there for "Roz's" gathering and so when the non guests went to get food, "Roz" would march up and literally take the plates away. I can't say I understand why non-guests would take food, but I also don't know if "Roz" could reserve the pool area for a private event, so maybe it was a misunderstanding.

Things came to a head when a woman was creating a plate for herself and "Roz" snatched it and told her to "Get the %^&) away from her party food". The whole pool went quiet. The lady tossed the plate onto the table, called "Roz" a few unmentionables (they knew each other) and left.

Roz turned the music up and danced, but it was an awkward moment.

My GF had had enough at that point, and picked up the "wiki wiki tidbits" to take home and so we just left.

"Roz" was mad we left, but I do think others did too, and this is where I struggle - if your host is ungracious, why should you apologize for leaving?

My GF does not regret leaving, just taking the bacon wrapped prunes because we did not eat them all.

"Roz" thought it was tacky to leave with our food, but I think that is a diversion away from the larger problem - her bad behavior. I have heard the party went late into the night, though "Jim" said it was "not a lot of fun", "Roz" says "everyone hit the dancefloor" and that "there was no problem clearing the pool for her party".

I don't regret leaving after a host made a social gaffe (IMHO) - have any of you been in the same boat? I like "Roz" but did not think she handled this well.

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