Anticipation has been building in my guy for a visit to the almost famous Heart Attack Grill and this afternoon I was nearby on a job and decided to feed my inner caveman so I visited the new location in Tempe on Broadway just west of Hardy...in a strip mall on the north side of the road. I thought they might be closed because parking was plentiful and the place looked deserted.
In fact there were actually 2 other people in the place so I was not alone. Unfortunately, their website teased me into believing that I would be served by bikini be-decked babe-o-liciouses, but alas it WAS NOT 2-piece Tuesday in Tempe. :-(
Plus I was anticipating a cold icy vanilla creme soda but they only had bottled soda and water. Didn't see any cups or ice. No beer... nothing on tap, not even the enticing Thomas Kemper sodas on tap as advertised online. They DID have two "nurses" (a 1-1 ratio with the customers) and one "doctor" in their standard costume garb, but the traditional medical roles were reversed since I never saw the Doctor do anything and the nurse actually cooked the burger. Maybe he was on break.
Did I say cook?? Sorry, my bad! They use a conveyor belt gizmo (the Dr. proudly says "like burger king"....as if that validates their process)... the burger goes in the top and 5 minutes and fifty seconds later a dry hockey puck pops out the bottom. Hardly cooking, but maybe effecient...not sure how the eggs would hold up. I think 4 mins and thirty seconds would have done the trick.
They did not use a flat top griddle to cook my burger (as I saw pictured online), and the good Doctor informed me that they have decided to stop putting eggs on the burgers... There were no mozzarella chunks for the fries (another website teaser). In fact they had no fries at all... they had to cook some just for me because business was so slow.
Alas, my burger was woefully dry & overcooked. The bacon was non-existent...it looked like that prefabbed, already in a circle shape, thin as paper bacon you get from the Sysco truck. The bacon probably arrive already cooked too... just take it out of the box and put it right on the burger. It needed about 5 of them to be a factor on the burger.
My bun was WAY too thick for the single bypass that I ordered, having nearly a 2" crown which made the burger very "bready". It probably is a great bun on the triple. There was also a big fist full of shredded lettuce slathered in some mayo-ketchup glop they call "special sauce" dripping all over, including all over the top of my bun and, eventually, my shirt!
I'd say the the burgers at the now defunct Razzleberries in Chandler were better (the fries were definitely better at Razzleberries, lard be damned) than the one I had today and I doubt that I would go out of my way to visit the new location again but I still want to go to the Kyrene store... I think they are doing it differently there. This new location is kind of just a thin veneer of the real deal. Even so, they have only been open a few weeks, maybe they will improve.
The triple in the picture was my neighbors... I had the girlie "single bypass" (still a 1/2 lb`er). It is bad enough that my wife will see where I ate from my credit card receipt. At least I can still say "But I only got the Single!"