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El Gallo Giro's Tortilla Chips

elmomonster | Jun 20, 2005 04:26 PM

This isn't a sissy's chip.

Made from unsold corn tortillas that El Gallo Giro's sweaty staff makes from scratch, these chips are deep fried in a big vat of hot grease, salted, and bagged before selling.

You can tell immediately: these aren't good for you.

The small beads of oil clinging on the inside of the bag should be your first clue of this fact. But then there's the actual written warning that these buggers are also perishable. It says right on the bag, "Refrigerate after opening". You should read this as "This chip was fried in grease and is still dripping in it."

Well, at least you aren't putting any unnecessary preservatives into your body, just fat and good ol' cholesterol.

And think of it, for only $1.69, you will make your doctor gainfully employed for some time to come.

At first, I was afraid of the chip. Taking the first one out of the bag, I wasn't ready for how greasy it was. It looked like it had suntan lotion on it! Seriously, all it needed was a pair of speedos and a cheap pair of sunglasses, and it'll be ready to go lounge by the swimming pool and ogle the girls. It was that kind of chip.

Then there was the thickness. It's dense and rigid, not unlike a slab of ceramic tile. When I finally took a bite, that's when the jarring force of the chip hit me. The crunch reveberated through my teeth and amplified in my skull. Inside my head, it sounded like a mack truck was running over a mound of wooden palettes.

Foley artists, take note: this chip should be a tool of your trade if you ever need the sound of bones being crushed.

After a few more chips, jaw fatigue set in. I licked my greasy fingers, put some chips on a plate and piled grated cheddar on top. Then I nuked it to do impromptu nachos.

Somewhere out there, a heart surgeon buys a new Mercedes.

El Gallo Giro
(714) 549-2011
1442 S Bristol St
Santa Ana, CA 92704


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