General Discussion


Dem Damned Dare Cookies


General Discussion 12

Dem Damned Dare Cookies

Andy P. | Dec 21, 2004 12:08 AM

There is an evil, (though it may be seemingly benign), lurking over the northern border, in the lushness that is the land of maple leaves, and maple cremes. Power mad this evil must be, for it conspires to take over our minds, our hearts, and yes, even our mouths. Its weapon of choice it produces itself, and has proven that it will use them on men, women, and yes, even children. The weapon is a cookie, and the wielder of these CMDs (Cookies of Much Deliciousness) is Dare Foods.

This powerful foe first unveiled itself to me around a year ago, from the shelves of a Tokyo grocery store. Its colorful, yet tranquil packaging first caught my eye, beckoning me with its winter scene of a horse-drawn sleigh, and promise of Maple Leaf Cremes inside. “What the Hell…it’s Canadian. What harm can come?” With this argument, I convinced myself to give them a try. Oh, to be able to take back that moment in time.

Overall, the Maple Leaf Cremes are a passable, good cookie. Not great at all. But, small glimpses of greatness do lie within. Enough of a glimpse that the next time I went to the store, I picked up a package of the Coconut Cremes.

And so, it began. The taking over of my soul started with that first Coconut Crème. Pure coconut flavor. Almost unreal coconut flavor. I’d taken my first hit, and that was all it took. Is it a coincidence that Canadian Mike Myers, in “So I Married an Axe Murderer”, said of KFC (paraphrased): “They put an addictive ingredient in their chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly, smartass!” Replace the word “chicken” with “cookies”, and you’ll know what I, no, WE are up against.

But, I was holding things in check. I controlled the cookie, the cookie didn’t control me, yet. Then, my buddy JL came to Tokyo. And on a cold, rainy Sunday afternoon, we drank whole milk from shot glasses, and ate Dare Blueberry Cheesecake cookies. What a blast of flavor!! They packed rich, luscious blueberry cheesecake between two cookies. Bewitching be these cookies. What unnaturalness is Dare doing with natural flavorings and colorings?

Next came Milk Chocolate Fudge, then Lemon Cremes, Caffe Mocha, and Chocolate Chip. All worthy of consideration, all worthy of praise.

They almost had me. Like Smeagol, somewhere deep, deep down was a spark of my former self, surviving in the last little ember of that part of me not controlled by Dare.

Now, it is game over. A few weeks ago, my beloved Dare cookies disappeared from the shelf of my local grocery. The horror that filled my heart was nothing compared to the horror that filled my eyes!!! “Dare ULTIMATE Strawberry Crème”!! “Dare ULTIMATE Vanilla Crème”!! “Dare ULTIMATE Coconut Crème”!!

Never have I tasted this kind of strawberry in a cookie. It is ultimate strawberry. Not over-sugared strawberries, just great summertime strawberries.

The Ultimate Coconut Cremes went Spinal Tap on the regular Coconut Cremes, and turned the flavor up to 11. Un-friggin-believable.

And the Ultimate Vanilla Cremes are just, just, ultimate. Dare has achieved a purity of vanilla crème flavor that will leave you whimpering for more.

All are distractingly delicious. Don’t be doing anything important while eating these, you are bound to make mistakes.

If you see Dare Ultimate Cookies on your grocery shelf, do yourself a favor…surrender. Trust me, you’ll thank me in the long run.

And, if ever in Tokyo, do drop by. I see that Dare now has Ultimate Blueberry Cheesecake cookies. Care for a shot of milk with that?



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