General Discussion

When to Cut & Run

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When to Cut & Run

Mr Grub | Jul 25, 2002 12:25 PM

As long as we are in the guidelines mode, here are more.

Once you've arrived at your carefully chosen restaurant (see Chowhound Know How below), how do you decide if you should actually chow there?

MR. GRUB'S TOP 10 SIGNS YOU SHOULD CUT & RUN

1. Menu written on something unnatural, like a wine bottle or deer head.
2. Table tent cards: "Try Our Lentil Margueritas!", "Reserve Now for St. Swithin’s Day!"
3. Crayons on the table.
4. “Specials” written during the Carter administration.
5. Dishes on menu noted as “cooked to perfection,” “authentic,” “genuine,” or “just like Mom’s.”
6. Menu features “celebrity” dishes, such as Charo couscous, Jeffrey Dahmer steak tartare, Shaq foie gras.
7. Dangerously heavy lawn sale items, i.e., scythes, bathtubs, or outboard motors, festoon the walls.
8. Souvenir jams, jellies, t-shirts, bongs or handcuffs conspicuously for sale.
9. 16-year-old gum-snapping Valley Girl hostess welcomes you with, “Didja have a reservation today?”
10. Loudly playing music is any of the following: Mettalica, Enya, alternative Indian, Damaged Children, “That’s Amore,” Ol’ Dirty Bastard, ranchera, or anything by Whitney Houston or John Denver.

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