[A moon-lit Halloween night; GEORGE and MARTHA waddle and stumble into Flat Top Grill on Lake Street, Oak Park; they are befuddled and frumpy]
GEORGE: Well, Martha, what new abomination have you foisted upon me tonight?
MARTHA: The kids go here all the time.
GEORGE: A compelling reason to stay away, I should think.
MARTHA: Youre a cluck.
GEORGE: I believe Ill have you committed.
[Theyre greeted by a HOST, a young man who puts them at a table near the front].
HOST: So, have you visited our restaurant before?
GEORGE: Perhaps. Ive been in hell for a long time now.
MARTHA: Dont mind him. No, we havent been here before. Hows it all work?
HOST: Well, you go up to the counter and pick your up vegetables and spices, and then your meat, and the chef puts it all together.
GEORGE: I thought you said this was a restaurant.
GEORGE: Just now, it seemed as though you were describing a cafeteria.
GEORGE: Youre repeating yourself, my boy.
MARTHA: [to George] George, youre such a simp. [To Host] Give us coupla scotches.
[Martha leads George to the buffet of food; they select their food; George seems to be hallucinating, and may very well be]
The line's not too long.
The Bataan Death March comes to mind.
[Their food prepared, they return to their table, where two cocktails are waiting]
Why Martha, theyve brought only two. They must have forgotten mine. Here, you take them both.
Shut up you.
[They start to eat]
My food has the consistency of mud, but it doesnt taste quite so good.
Poor George Porgie Put upon Pie. What are you doing; are you sulking?
I dont know what you have to be tired about; you didnt do anything today. You never do anything.
I dont like what I made.
You could have made whatever you wanted.
But Im not a cook, you see. Thats why I go to restaurants.
[The Host sweeps up to the table]
Is everything all right?
Hello again, Handsome. Ill have another drink.
My god you can pour it down.
MARTHA [chanting aggressively at George]:
Whos afraid of the Flat Top Grill, Flat Top Grill, Flat Top Grill!
Flat Top Grill
726 Lake Oak Park