My wife and I have arrived at the point where we literally need fewer things in the kitchen, not more. Gadgets pour forth from the drawers. Servingware clutters the cupboards and buffet. We have (nonmatching, mind you) place settings for 50, and seating for 22 max. Well, 25 if you use the living room coffee table.
And yet: There are some crazy things out there that may make the Christmas list, despite all countervailing wisdom.
Two, Two, Two Pies in One!
The Split Decision Pie Pan is pretty danged impressive. Make a sweet half-pie and a savory half-pie. Do a pecan and an apple pie without having to stack them atop one another. Go blueberry and raspberry-rhubarb. The half-pies also have the bonus of looking really weird and interesting, what with the unexpected wall of crust.
Serve Ice Cream in Sugar Cookie Bowls
The not-entirely-useful Ice Cream Cookie Bowl Pan becomes slightly more useful and a hell of a lot more goofily charming when you invert it and use it to pump out Sugar Cookie Bowls. This is a neat sweet-side interpretation of the soup bread bowl, and guaranteed to confuse and potentially delight your guests.
Cute Mugs for the Seasonal Apocalypse
Halloween Cauldron Mugs work like mugs but look like tiny cauldrons! So, so stupid, and yet so, so charming. Thirty-five dollars for four—why not, it’s not like the economy is disintegrating and the world’s ending.
Treat Your Baby Like a Jumbo Jet
The ThinkGeek Illuminated JetBib Feeding System (featuring airplane spoon and landing runway lights on the bib) may be the only thing currently on the market that’s less practical and more ridiculous than the Halloween Cauldron Mugs, so get it while it’s hot. Assuming you have a baby. And if you don’t have a baby and buy it anyway, please don’t post pics of the bib in use.
Claw at Meat Like a Wild Beast
And finally: wow. Bear Paw Meat Handler Forks. Strap these suckers on, and you look like a crazy out-of-control meat ninja, ready to shred and rend slow-roasted pork products until the cows come home and Team Ninja defeats Team Pirate. Never before has a kitchen utensil so precisely resembled an esoteric piece of martial arts equipment. Adding this to my personal wish list … now.