We have for you here an amazing piece of art. It’s musical, it’s poetic, it’s at once modern and nostalgic. Whether you are a fan of Richard Blais or of the Cure (and our studies have shown that 87 percent of our audience falls within those two spheres), you will be floored. Watch it.

Our friends at TV.com commissioned this work from Mia Di Pasquale. (And when I say “our friends,” I really mean Meredith Arthur, who is also CHOW’s video producer.) In case you just want to savor the lyrics:

Seal your tome of recipes and spin the fated wheel,
you bare your soul and genius plates for Mikey Iz to steal.

Your heart’s been frozen in nitrogen for so long,
only Fabio can thaw it now, but he’s gone.

Invoke the ghosts of chemists and butchers from your past,
a touch of glasswort, a bit of conch, save the foie gras for last.

We can never tell if you’re just stressed or if you’re constipated,
your victories are always self conscious understatements.

Ohhhhh, what can’t go wrong?
Can’t swim, can’t please a puppet, can’t smile when you win.

I hate everything I do,
(I hate everything I do),
I hate everything I do,
(I hate everything I do),
I hate everything I do,

but Padma loves you.

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