New York’s Daily News recently visited the fabled Rainbow Room and published one of the most scathing restaurant reviews since Frank Bruni went to Ninja.

Here are three tiny amuse-bouches to help persuade all lovers of bile and schadenfreude to read the original review:

“When the culinary highlight of your three-course meal is the breadsticks, you won’t be recommending the restaurant anytime soon.”

“My bland pumpkin ravioli appetizer was sloshing in grease. The foie gras tasted a long time gone from the goose. The rubbery Maine lobster appeared to have drowned in ketchup.”

Finally, and possibly most damning:

“I wish we’d gone to Popeye’s instead.”

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