So, it wasn’t true. The Paula Deen butter quote that’s been richocheting around the Internet in “words beside portrait” form goes like this: “Y’all critics always sayin’, ‘Oh that Paula uses too much butter. It’s bad for your body.’ Well honey, I say that if something is making you say ‘yum’ and it makes your tummy happy, then it ain’t bad for you. Butter is just a little stick of smiles and happiness.”

The renegade bon mot was originally found on Things That People Never Said, a Tumblr blog that also outs the nonreal nature of the quote.

Still: “Butter is just a little stick of smiles and happiness” is not only good enough to put on a bumper sticker, it’s good enough to spawn a host of imitators. A few that come to mind immediately:

* MSG is just a little pile of magic fairy dust and children’s laughter.

* Bourbon is just a little shot of belly laughs and wistful country tragedy.

* Foie gras is just a little lump of decadence and callousness.

* Turducken is just a little corpse inside a slightly bigger corpse inside a fairly large corpse.

* Everclear is just a little glass of high jinks and annihilation.

* KFC Double Downs are just little packages of marketing and congestive heart failure.

* Ortolans are just little birds drowned in Armagnac that must be hidden from God’s joy-hating gaze.

And so forth. Ride forth, sticks and lumps and piles, and conquer the minds of health-conscious doubters.

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