Paula Deen’s (Not So Real) Homage to Butter

So, it wasn't true. The Paula Deen butter quote that's been richocheting around the Internet in "words beside portrait" form goes like this: "Y'all critics always sayin', 'Oh that Paula uses too much butter. It's bad for your body.' Well honey, I say that if something is making you say 'yum' and it makes your tummy happy, then it ain't bad for you. Butter is just a little stick of smiles and happiness."

The renegade bon mot was originally found on Things That People Never Said, a Tumblr blog that also outs the nonreal nature of the quote.

Still: "Butter is just a little stick of smiles and happiness" is not only good enough to put on a bumper sticker, it's good enough to spawn a host of imitators. A few that come to mind immediately:

* MSG is just a little pile of magic fairy dust and children's laughter.

* Bourbon is just a little shot of belly laughs and wistful country tragedy.

* Foie gras is just a little lump of decadence and callousness.

* Turducken is just a little corpse inside a slightly bigger corpse inside a fairly large corpse.

* Everclear is just a little glass of high jinks and annihilation.

* KFC Double Downs are just little packages of marketing and congestive heart failure.

* Ortolans are just little birds drowned in Armagnac that must be hidden from God's joy-hating gaze.

And so forth. Ride forth, sticks and lumps and piles, and conquer the minds of health-conscious doubters.

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