The BBC consents to wallow in the shallow waters of sensationalism with an amusing story about a restaurant bill that makes Gordon Ramsay seem … well, still profane, but not particularly so.

Patrons at Joe Delucci’s Italian restaurant in Lichfield, Staffordshire, had a fairly bad go of it at dinner. They’d booked a table for 8 p.m., but didn’t get served until quarter past 10. Complaints about the service were met, via unknown channels, with a bill headlined by the following item:

SUCK MY D--- F--- FACE £0.00

[Diner Clare] Watkin said: ‘I couldn’t believe it. The bill read ‘fish cakes,’ which one of us had for a starter, and it was written right above it — absolutely disgusting language.’

Hey, at least it was on the house. Some places in London charge upward of £6.60 for a side order of SUCK MY D--- F--- FACE.

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