Lore Sjöberg, once the dazzling frontman for the Brunching Shuttlecocks, now brandishes his pen over at Wired, where he writes the humorous Alt Text column. This week, he targets molecular gastronomy with a mock FAQ. Rather than restate and thereby spoil his jokes, I’ll just leave you with an amuse-bouche of his style and suggest that you read the original piece in full.

OK, so you’re zapping and inflating food, and turning it inside out. But how does it taste?

That’s the great part! It doesn’t matter how it tastes! Look at it this way. You can’t really talk about flavor in any meaningful way with someone who hasn’t tasted the same thing. You could go on about mouth feel and smoky notes and umami and not get anywhere. But molecular gastronomy is something you can talk about and take pictures of. You can say ‘I just ate a miniature football helmet made of crab meat!’ and people understand what you’re talking about, although maybe they’ll wish they didn’t. As such, it’s the first digitally transmissible cuisine. In the future, we’ll get all our meals from BitTorrent.

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