Seeking to capitalize on the shrinking sizes of Pizza Hut and Domino’s pizzas in its country, the bizarrely named Australian chain Eagle Boys has released a hot viral video claiming that Domino’s pizza drivers have … well … small wangs.

The ad is a spoof of an incendiary antispeeding campaign that implied something similar about men who drive recklessly. In the Eagle Boys spot, an unkempt Domino’s driver stops at a red light and makes eyes at a couple of hot-looking chicks. As he drives off, the two ladies waggle their pinkie fingers at each other to indicate their opinion: The delivery driver has undersize genitalia, and therefore is an unsuitable potential mate. Despite being blocks away from the sign language when it occurs, the Domino’s driver somehow becomes aware of it and looks dejected as he drives on, small pizzas on-board.

Naturally, the Domino’s people aren’t thrilled, and while they do concede that their pizza diameters have contracted a bit, they helpfully point out that Pizza Hut did it first, and that it’s really not fair to slag them off and let the Pizza Hut boys get away with their manhood unsavaged.

The entire discussion is uncannily American, in that amid all the arguing over whose pizzas are big (or shrinking), there seems to be very little discussion about which pizzas actually taste good. Feed your Domino’s pizza to the dingos, people. One less bad pizza. One more safe baby.

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