I’m somewhat intrigued by the commercials for Domino’s Oreo Dessert Pizza that have been running ad nauseam (ha!) for the past couple of months. Could it actually be tasty in a supertrashy food way?

Apparently not. Food columnist Charles Passy of the Palm Beach Post set out to sample it. He’s not fond of it, describing it as Oreos crumbled on a graham-cracker crust that tastes like it’s “gone through the dry-cleaner’s.”

CHOW’s James Norton, a.k.a. Supertaster, has a similar reaction. “After seeing the commercial for this product, a ‘dessert pizza’ topped with crushed Oreo cookies and a white gooey substance, I suspected a sacrilegious monstrosity that would make Andres Serrano’s Piss Christ look like a Norman Rockwell painting,” he writes. He also calls out the crust, which, he says, “has all the depth of flavor and texture of cheap matzo.” He deems it suitable only for stoners.

But Charles Passy isn’t satisfied with just sticking his own stake in the heart of the Domino’s pizza chain. He also rounds up everyone else’s reactions, from Slate’s (“This whole event was traumatic, and made [me] briefly reassess my worth as a human”) to the Los Angeles Times’s (“An abomination to both Oreos and pizza”).

Buyer beware: No matter how drunk you get this weekend, do not be tempted to acquire an Oreo mustache.

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