With a mild-to-moderate case of body dysmorphia, subscribing to Vogue is out. But of course that means an excruciating wait while the incomparable Jeffrey Steingarten compiles enough columns to put out a new book. There are workarounds, like hitting the salon a half-hour early to peruse back issues of the magazine and devour Steingarten’s monthly column.

Happily, Steingarten fans who are too cheap to pony up for a copy of the magazine can get a great preview of this month’s piece on the burger blog A Hamburger Today. Why is Ed Levine, hamburger master, taking the time to summarize this particular column? It’s about Steingarten’s quest for the ultimate burger, of course.

As always, mishaps occur in the pursuit of greatness:

Steingarten tries to develop his own signature blend. A Waring blender is destroyed in the process.

Levine hits Steingarten’s informational high points on how to achieve a crusty-on-the-outside, succulent-on-the-inside burger: Keep the meat cold, grind your own, season well. The most surprising bit of information? Despite what you’ve always been told about turning the burger only once, if you flip it “every fifteen to 30 seconds, the outside surface will get nicely browned while the inside stays relatively cool.”

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