If you ask Jaden of the blog Jaden’s Steamy Kitchen, the best way to pick a good fish at the fish market has a lot in common with picking up a guy at a bar. In both scenarios there are strategies that you deviate from at your own peril, lest you end up taking home a disappointing specimen.

Here are Jaden’s rules:

Rule #1. Don’t pick the ones that are passed out at the bar. The upside down ones are deadbeats. duh!

Rule #2 Don’t pick the super fast with jerky movements either, he’s way too nervous, excited and will (ahem) too early. The courtship will be over before you even know it and you’ll be left totally unsatisfied.

Rule #3 Don’t pick out the biggest, most muscular fish. He’s too busy checking himself out in the reflection of the tank to even notice you anyways. His muscles are too tough and you’ll be chewing ’til next November.

Rule #4 Go for a fish that is relaxed, laid back, confident and having a good time. Nice skin, not too flashy, no body piercings and kind eyes. Because a happy fish is a good eating fish. All them endorphins in its little body makes his meat sweet.

Of course it’s not that simple; check out Jaden’s blog for her pre-fish-picking calisthenics and post-fish-picking recipe—along with food-porn-worthy photos in case you’re going through (ahem) a dry spell.

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