It works for candy bars and ice cream, but does deep-frying make everything better? Possibly everything but pizza, as FHM discovers in its last-ever print issue (via A Hamburger Today).

The laddie mag enlisted Food Network host George Duran to fry up five test subjects: White Castle sliders, microwave pizza, hard-cooked eggs, gummy worms, and chocolate chip cookie dough. The dough was the clear winner (the picture is enough to make me want to whip up a batch right now), but everything was improved by a coating of batter and a stint in the fryer. Except the pizza: The crust “soaks up a lot of oil, making it taste incredibly oily and not good at all,” Duran reports.

Maybe he’d have had better luck with a nice thin-crust specimen, preferably chilled—refrigeration is key when making the granddaddy of deep-fried junk foods, the Mars bar. Speaking of which, just a few years ago that insane creation was widely considered to be an urban myth, until two Scottish researchers found that 22 percent of the country’s chip shops and takeout joints had the bars on their menus and another 17 percent used to sell them. Their existence was first reported in a Scottish daily in 1995.

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