Do you know a goth food lover? That is, someone who loves food and drink almost as much as they adore the macabre? Someone who puts The Cure in epicure? Someone who wants every inch of their space to reflect their style? Then these goth kitchen gifts could be just the thing for them!
I myself was once a mini Mall Goth who laughed at the “Goth Talk” sketches on “SNL” with more than a smidgen of chagrin, and wanted to be Wednesday Addams and Lydia Deetz with all my morbid heart. I was lucky enough to have family members who were happy to gift me things I actually liked—unwrapping layers of bright and cheerful reindeer-patterned Christmas paper or tearing the pastel tissue from a balloon-bedecked birthday bag to find an Emily the Strange t-shirt, a Dead Can Dance album, or a little velvet-frocked, yarn-locked doll (from Hot Topic, of course) always warmed my broody young/old soul.
While I’ve moved on from full commitment to all-black everything and never did get the coffin-shaped purse I coveted, I still have a predilection for the dark, the strange, and the spooky. That means I do a lot of shopping around Halloween, live for horror movies, and wear this Haunted Mansion “Ghost Host” apron every time I cook or bake. Jet-black things of all kinds still exert a serious pull on me, as do prints of bats and insects, and there are plenty of skulls and such sprinkled around the house as part of our everyday decor.
If you know someone who can relate, consider gifting them one of these goth kitchen goodies. Regardless of how you wrap them, your recipient will be eerily elated.
The aforementioned Haunted Mansion apron will no doubt be too frilly (and colorful) for some, so this bare-bones black-and-white design may be a better choice. Think of it as the kitchen counterpart to the eternally popular skeleton hoodie.See It
Skeleton-handled forks and spoons will look lovely as they lay in sweet repose on any gothic table.See It
If your goth loves to bake, skull-shaped cake pans are perfect for year-round use. And while they don’t have to be restricted to desserts, they are great for when you want to personify the whole death-by-chocolate concept (in a ghoulishly good way).See It
Spirits of all sorts can be decanted into this shining glass skull (which comes with two matching shot glasses), but it works just as well for less sinister sips. Imagine a gloomy garden party—well-shaded, of course—where you use this to serve sweet tea; in that case, the shot glasses can hold condiments or cheese picks, because even goths gotta eat.See It
Continuing the skull theme, why not mold your ice into memento mori? They’ll keep your drinks as cold as your affect (kidding—mostly)!See It
Sure, you could get any old black plates and call it a delightfully dreary day, but the bark pattern on these specimens evokes a dark and haunted forest—and you get 12 in a set, so you can almost feed an entire coven in style.See It
If your goth isn’t averse to a little bling, the grimly grinning skulls on this set of four stemless wineglasses are golden (metaphorically speaking, too).See It
If you know a goth who’s just getting set up in their own mysterious lair, consider giving them a full set of inky black dinner service; the raised geometric pattern makes it all a little more interesting (and makes the plates look a little spiderwebby), but the dark glaze is probably still in keeping with their style.See It
Speaking of spiders, this plain black coffee mug hides a surprise one inside—but if your goth has a touch of arachnophobia, you can select from a number of different forms, including skulls (naturally), gargoyles, dragons, and even a mini Cthulhu.See It
For your Romantic Goths, this bat-stamped porcelain tea set is simply ravishing, but if the whole shebang is too scary a splurge, you can buy single pieces for a lot less. (And for those who don’t do pastels, the seller also offers gold-rimmed all-black pieces with prints of ravens and the like on the inside of each cup.)See It
Can food itself be goth? This literally inky pasta would suggest so, and it’s a wonderful gift to give the gourmand who is also obsessed with all things dark.See It
Black garlic is not only the perfect shade, it’s old, somewhat odd, and fairly rare—all also things most goths appreciate. The color develops naturally as the garlic ages and ferments, and the flavor is surprisingly mellow and sweet, with a smoky nuance and a lingering tang, like a ghost of the garlic’s former self. Its texture is soft and gelatinous enough to spread on toast. With none of the acrid pungency of raw garlic, you could even give this to a Vampire Goth.See It
Naturally black rice also often goes by the awesomely goth name “forbidden rice”—and it purportedly has lots of health benefits, with more protein, fiber, and antioxidants than other varieties of rice. Plus, it’s way cheaper than black caviar.See It
Everybody needs to season their food, but why stop at plain old table salt? This black Hawaiian sea salt lends a lovely dark flourish when used to finish dishes.See It
For serious home chefs, an enameled cast-iron Staub cocotte is a prized item, and since it comes in velvety matte black, it’s the perfect modern cauldron for the witchiest kitchens.See It
Emblazoned with a raven, a piece of the famous poem of the same name, and elaborate gold or silver edging, these porcelain pretties are just as well suited to displaying on the wall as putting on the table. And for Poe fans in particular, you’ll search for the perfect present…nevermore.See It
Related Video: How to Make Instant Pot Goth Quinoa
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Header image courtesy of Regan Baroni.