The St. Paul Pioneer Press reports that if you want to make your Twin Cities V-Day really special this year, you’ll take your loved one to one of the area’s 15 White Castle restaurants for a romantic bag of those atrocious little greasebombs known as Slyders.

Farce? Satire? Fact. The restaurants are annually transformed into fine dining venues featuring:

… candlelight, tablecloths and wait staff in the decorated dining room. For the first time this year, all 15 Twin Cities White Castles are participating, and it’s one of the hardest tables in town to get, with suburban locations filling up fastest.

People love it. They pull up in limos and rented Rolls-Royces. They blindfold their husbands and wives to lure them into the trap. They hire harpists.

It’s an “aw, shucks” feature story that the papers around here have been jumping on for years like trained newts. The tragedy of it all is that there’s a fast-food restaurant in the Minneapolis–St. Paul area that actually makes pretty damned good hamburgers from fresh ground chuck … but it’s not White Castle. It’s Culver’s.

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