Haw haw! Take that, you blow-dried, doppio-sipping, clove-cigarette smoking, black-leather-jacket wearing urban hipster types! Interested in a new crop of coffee offerings at fast food joints—pitched to compete with coffeehouse bevvies—the impartial judges at Consumer Reports have found that McDonald’s house coffee beats the swill served up by Starbucks.

As The New York Daily New reports in a piece called “Joltin’ Joe!”, the panel at Consumer Reports found that at $1.35, McDonald’s coffee was the cheapest and best, noting, “Although it lacked the subtle top notes needed to make it rise and shine, it had no flaws.” Compare that with Starbucks, which produced a brew so nasty that it was “bitter enough to make your eyes water instead of open.”

Ouch! Burn on you, Starbucks. CR also tried coffees from Burger King (“looked like coffee but tasted more like hot water”) and Dunkin’ Donuts (“weak, watery and pricier than Starbucks”), but McDonald’s Premium Roast Coffee was the winner. OK, so I give you permission to drink the joe from Mickey D’s. But avoid the food. That stuff is death.

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