Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s upcoming wedding is sure to be a classy affair. But in case you thought that lemon and elderflower cake and the world’s finest champagne were the only foods fit the occasion, you thought wrong. The royal nuptials are worthy of nothing less than Velveeta’s finest macaroni and cheese and a tower of Rice Krispies treats. It’s true!
If our inbox is to be believed, every food brand and their scheming, scone-filled stepmother want a piece of the throne for themselves. Below are some of the most absurd culinary tie-ins and promotions that revolve around the weekend’s big event. If we’ve learned anything from them, it’s that you too can become royalty by eating basic AF snacks from the comfort of your couch. Now isn’t that the American dream?
Velveeta Crowns & Cheese
With their latest marketing campaign, Velveeta asks a pivotal question. “Being a princess is not all it’s cracked up to be…So why settle for being a princess when you can eat like a queen?” What do queens eat you ask? Fancy-ass mac ‘n’ cheese, that’s what! The kind where the pasta is shaped like crowns and served on pillows as velvety as the sauce. That’s what the brand is hoping to serve up with the launch of Velveeta Crowns & Cheese, at least.
Campbell’s Royal Wedding Soup
Campbell’s came up with a recipe for Royal Wedding Soup. It features Meghan’s favorite gourd—zucchini! But here’s the catch, it doesn’t come in a can. You have to make it yourself. Sorry, but there’s nothing all that regal about slicing up your own veggies and slaving over a stovetop. Unless it comes with a spiralizer, a butler named Jeeves, or an adorable corgi, we’ll have to pass.
Strongbow Cider Teacups
Afternoon tea is aquaint British tradition. Strongbow believes the best way to get Americans on board with this afternoon ritual is to booze it up. And they’re not wrong with their approach. Drinking rosé cider out of china tea cups (pinkies out, of course) is the classiest way to day-drink. Three servings in and you may even start speaking with an accent.
Kellogg’s Cereal Party
Kellogg’s is hosting a royal viewing party at their flagship New York City cafe, complete with a menu of cereal-infused treats. Apparently the brand has been the official cereal provider for the royal household for three monarchs, which has us wondering what so many kings and queens are doing eating Froot Loops and Apple Jacks when they have literally any breakfast food at their beck and call. If I were Queen Elizabeth II, you better believe I’d be asking for the world’s most complicated frittata every morning. It’s your divine right.
Burger King’s Chicken Royale
One monarch honors another, as the Burger King himself commemorates the royal wedding with the Chicken Royale sandwich. The crispy chicken patty is topped with barbecue sauce and two onion rings, which according to a press release “signify the royal matrimony.” That’s just how I like my fast food, served as a quick corporate cash-in with a side of romantic symbolism. Maybe Harry and Meghan should just get married at White Castle instead?
Header image courtesy of Velveeta.