According to a survey by The Knot, the average wedding in the United States costs $35,329. That’s a lot of money to spend on a party, especially if you’re not all that thrilled by the trappings of a historically patriarchal institution. Maybe you just want to celebrate your undying love without the lavish trappings of diamonds and ballrooms? So what’s the best way to lash out against the wedding industrial complex? By indulging in the fast food industrial complex! Here’s how.
More and more folks are exchanging their vows with a side of burgers and fries. And nowhere is this trend more apparent than in the elopement wonderland that is Las Vegas. If you’re in town and don’t want to get married by an Elvis impersonator, hit up the Taco Bell instead—it houses an actual chapel! For $600, you can purchase an entire wedding package. This includes a half-hour ceremony, a private reception area for up to 15 of your closest friends, a taco 12-pack, a bevy of kitschy merch such as a bowtie, garter belt, and the pièce de résistance: a bouquet made of hot sauce packets! Word has it that the bridesmaid who catches it is in for a spicy treat.
If you’re more partial to diners, head to Denny’s. The Vegas franchise offers wedding packages, as well. They, too, are complete with chapel ceremonies, photo booth pics, and Grand Slam Breakfasts. They’ve also got a sweet Valentine’s Day sale going on, with weddings costing only 99 bucks! (Just in case the prices at Taco Bell are too steep for your budget.)
Apparently so many people are clamoring to get married at White Castle that the company had to hold a contest last June to appease demand. Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but as a marketing gimmick, it worked. I mean, hey, we’re writing about it. While more than 75 couples have wed at various locations of the regal restaurant over the last decade, none have been officially sponsored until now. The lucky winners won a royal wedding at their Vegas location, as well as a honeymoon in Belgium, where they’ll visit an actual castle. It’ll mark the first wedding ever where sliders are served as an entree instead of an appetizer.
If Big Mac-trimony is more your style, you’ll have to head overseas, because McDonald’s has yet to establish any official wedding deals in the United States. But in Hong Kong, packages range from $385 for the Happiness Party to about $1,280 for the Love Forever Party. Just don’t let Ronald McDonald act as your officiant because that would be creepy AF. Also, be sure to include this line in your vows: May your love be as eternal as the McRib. (Trust us, it will never go away.)
While Domino’s doesn’t offer any official wedding packages, they do offer an official wedding registry, where you can gift the newlyweds with the pizza of their preference. It answers that time old question: What do you get for the pizza-loving couple that has everything? Clearly, more pizza. Sure beats another salad spinner from Crate & Barrel.
Header image courtesy of Taco Bell.