The Go Fug Yourself Girls, about whom Variety has noted have “a barbed wit that makes Cojo and Joan Rivers seem like gushing fans,” have focused their wickedly funny fashion blog on Mario Batali.
Now, Radar may refer to Molto Mario as “patient zero” of the Crocs phenomenon and also notes that the New York chef “reportedly owns 30 pairs—all in orange—that he cleans in the dishwasher,” which, ew, but the Fuggers do not believe that the popular, airy, and often quite grimy footwear is appropriate for red carpeting.
I don’t care if he thinks they’re his signature in the kitchen. He is not IN the kitchen. He is at a premiere, and Sandra Bullock is in a GOWN, and he’s wearing a fleece, shorts, and filthy rubber clogs, like he just managed to squeeze in his paper route between the lunch service and the event start time.
PLAN AHEAD, Mario. Throw some loafers, or sneakers, or platform thigh-highs—ANYTHING—in the car and change on the way there. I’m sorry that you’ve become the poster child for this crime against global retinas, but so be it. We cannot allow the ghoulish Rubber Menace to become the sort of perceived all-purpose footwear that the Ugg boot has become; we cannot allow our impressionable starlets to think it’s acceptable to start pairing them with skirts, or dresses, or evening gowns. They cannot cross into Formal Shoe country. We must, in honor of the late Steve Irwin, become Croc Hunters. Constant vigilance, people. It’s the only way.
If you haven’t bookmarked Go Fug Yourself already, do it now, because the Fug Girls are not called “hilarious bitches” by Defamer for nothing. Just don’t read while drinking or you’ll need a new keyboard.