Attention Coke Zero lovers. This is not a drill. Please proceed directly to your nearest Costco and purchase cases upon cases of your favorite aspartame-fueled liquid. We repeat. This is not a drill. We highly recommend a stock pile, can fort, or post-apocalypse bunker with stacks of the bubbly, sweet stuff. It’s officially your last chance.
Much to the world’s surprise and dismay, Coca-Cola has announced plans to ditch their signature diet soft drink in favor of a redesigned (and apparently better-tasting) Coke Zero Sugar.
“It is a reinvention of Coke Zero,” CEO James Quincey said in a call with investors, which means absolutely nothing to the soft drink’s devout drinkers, because let’s be completely honest: Once you say that you’re revising a food product for a more modern market, everyone will automatically say that nothing will come close to the original.
According to Coca-Cola, the new recipe took over a year to perfect and guarantees and even closer-to-Coke-tasting flavor. The re-branding of Zero to “Zero Sugar” is simply a marketing ploy to attract healthy-minded, sugar-free seeking consumers (soda sales dropped to a 30-year low in 2016). As arch-nemesis Pepsi begins to roll out more diet options, it’s also a clear attack against their lower calorie options.
Business Insider reports that Coke Zero Sugar is already a hit outside of the US, boasting a 3.6% increase in sales last year (with Diet Coke decreasing by 1.9%), though seeing as the good ol’ U.S. of A. is the true authority when it comes to junk food, we won’t believe it’s delicious until we sip it ourselves.
Here’s to hoping that Coke Zero Sugar lives up to its international hype and proves to be a suitable replacement. And if it doesn’t, feel free to use it as a toilet cleaner, grease remover coin shiner, or rust reducer.
Header image courtesy of Coca-Cola.