ROUND 1: MILKY WAY vs. 3 MUSKETEERS - Battle Nougat
Whipped chocolate nougat coated in milk chocolate. It has 45 percent less fat than most candy bars. Limited-edition flavors have included mint, cherry, raspberry, marshmallow, coconut, and even s’mores brownie.
Who knew the U.S. and European versions had different fillings? The Euro has no caramel topping, and the nougat center is so low density that the bar floats in a glass of milk.
WINNER: Milky Way. Even though the American version sinks, its malty goodness rises above.
ROUND 2: M&M's vs. SKITTLES - Battle Melts in Your Hand (Despite Claims to the Contrary)
They changed the lime flavor to green apple in 2013, a fatal error.
WINNER: M&M's. Peanuts, peanuts, peanuts.
ROUND 3: SNICKERS vs. BUTTERFINGER - Battle Texture
Nougat, caramel, and peanuts with a smooth chocolate coating. Mini, “fun size,” or king—they’re all delicious. Also delightful: the Snickers ice cream bar, with a frozen confection in place of the nougat.
Created in 1923, the mother of all textured bars has a flaky peanut butter center coated in milk chocolate.
WINNER: Tie. There’s just too much awesome on both sides to declare a favorite.
ROUND 4: REESE’S vs. KIT KAT - Battle Sharing Is Caring
Break me off a piece of that chocolate-covered wafer bar. Kit Kats are easy to break off and share, and in Japan, parent company Nestle has introduced over 200 specialty flavors, including green tea, banana, crème brûlée, and matcha.
Chocolate-coated peanut butter in cups of so many sizes (mini, regular, and monster) you can’t go wrong. Also the NutRageous bar, Reese’s Pieces, Reese’s Puffs cereal, Reese’s Sticks—the varieties are endless, and one is never enough.
WINNER: Reese’s. Matcha Kit Kats are fun, but peanut butter and chocolate are forever.
ROUND 5: Baby Ruth vs. Twix - Battle Old School
Why yes, that is a Baby Ruth at the bottom of the pool. Notoriously chunky, it’s loaded with peanuts, caramel, and chocolate nougat, then covered in more chocolate. The Baby Ruth Crisp includes crunchy wafers.
A vending machine favorite in packs of two, biscuits covered in a thick layer of caramel, coated in chocolate. We all know the best way to eat a Twix: Scrape the filling off with your teeth and then enjoy the biscuit apart.
WINNER: Twix. Two bars, one love.
ROUND 6: Almond Joy vs. Mounds - Battle Coconut
Sweetened flaky coconut, with one or two single almonds on top, enrobed in milk chocolate.
Coconut covered in adult-friendly dark chocolate; the almonds have been ditched. Almond Joy’s older.
WINNER: Tie. Similar to a set of awesome siblings, it’s too hard to choose between Almond Joy and Mounds. If you like coconut, you’ll like either of them.
ROUND 7: MR. GOODBAR vs. CRUNCH - Battle Specialty Chocolate
A classic. Peanuts covered in milk chocolate, in a familiar bar shape.
Milk chocolate and crisped rice. A pleasing texture and a timeless wrapper in red, white, and blue.
WINNER: Crunch. That delightful crackle never loses its thrill.
ROUND 8: 5TH AVENUE vs. TAKE 5 - Battle of the Fives
Originally a crunchy peanut butter center coated in chocolate with two chocolate-covered almonds on top, the 5th Avenue has simplified since the mid-1990s: The almond toppers are gone.
Just five ingredients: caramel, peanuts, pretzels, milk chocolate, and peanut butter.
WINNER: Neither. Who even buys these?
Caitlin M. O'Shaughnessy is a New York City–based food writer and editor at Penguin who has worked on and recipe-tested several cookbooks. She is currently in search of NYC's best ramen, and is one of the few people who admit to disliking brunch.