No Ifs, Ands or Big Red Butts

As a holiday gift for pun-loving headline writers everywhere, the Maine Bureau of Liquor Enforcement has decided to ban the distribution of Santa’s Butt Winter Porter. When we first heard this story, we figured the label of the imported British brew would be showing more of Santa than even Mrs. Claus wants to see. However, the illustration is actually Norman Rockwell-cute, featuring a broad-beamed but fully clothed St. Nick seated on a jumbo-sized beer barrel (also known as a butt, hence the name), a loaded stein at the ready while he goes through his list, checking it twice.

And that’s just the problem, says Maine State Police Lt. Patrick Fleming. The ruddy-cheeked guy might appeal to children, setting them up for a lifetime of … buying pricey small-batch microbrews with silly names? Thank goodness some beer-geek lawyers at the Maine Civil Liberties Union Foundation have a little time on their hands; citing First Amendment rights to artistic expression, they’ll be working overtime this holiday season to put Santa’s Butt where it belongs—right into your hot little hands.

However, it’s not the first time that distributor Daniel Shelton has had trouble with his labels. Both Connecticut and New York have tried to ban their Seriously Bad Elf ale, along with a few of their other holiday-themed brews. Says Shelton from the company’s headquarters in the appropriately named Belchertown, “Last year it was elves. This year it’s Santa. Maybe next year it’ll be reindeer.”

But we’re putting our foot down over offering Comet, Cupid, and Vixen a couple of cold ones—we’d hate to see Lt. Fleming have to arrest the fat guy for flying with intoxicated reindeer.

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