Quick, name your earliest memory of Easter. Probably it involves the “grape” flavor of purple jelly beans, peeling pastel-colored foil off chocolate eggs, or biting the ears from a hollow molded rabbit. But for all the nostalgia, the candy most of us scarfed down was sugary and low-grade, with fruit flavors that originated in the lab, not the Easter Bunny’s organic berry patch. Now that you no longer believe in a six-foot rabbit who drops off baskets, though, you’re free to gather your own treats, ones that actually taste good. And look cool, too—like the Recchiuti Honeycomb Malt Eggs pictured above. Here are nine more Easter chocolates that are too good (and too rich) to give the kids:
Woodhouse Asparagus Bundle
Feel free to eat these colored, white-chocolate-over-dark spears like Julia Child always said to eat real asparagus: with your fingers. As a bonus, they won’t make your pee smell funny.
Jacques Torres Hens
Available in milk chocolate or dark, these hollow molded birds are as cute as backyard chickens. But while their real counterparts might annoy your neighbors with their nonstop clucking, these fowl are silent. Even when losing their heads.
L.A. Burdick Crispy Eggs
With centers like pear-cranberry and orange-pistachio, these eggs include what the confectioner calls a “secret crunch.” The only surprise you get from a Hershey’s mini chocolate egg is that painful jolt when a bit of the foil wrapper hits your fillings.
Littlejohn’s Scooter Chocolate Bunny
If you’re into the cult of the Vespa or otherwise think retro scooters are cool, you’ll have to get one of these semisolid bittersweet or milk chocolate rabbits. Kind of like La Dolce Vita doing a drive-by on your sweet tooth.
Bridgewater Chubby Bunny
At one and a half pounds, and with a price tag of $41.75, this nine-inch-tall, semihollow rabbit puts form to the notion of living large. This is how the 1 percent parties down at Easter.
Hedonist Farm Egg Truffles
Speckled just like real birds’ eggs, this classy trio has fillings—coconut, peanut butter, and salted caramel—that would horrify a nesting wren. Humans, however, are likely to find them delightful.
Teuscher Easter Chicken Champagne Truffles
Yellow like Big Bird, this freaky, fluffy-winged chicken is actually a box that holds eight chocolate truffles filled with Champagne ganache. Since it costs $46.95, we can only guess those babies contain Krug. And just think: Once the truffles are gone, the box can become a cat toy.
Poco Dolce Raspberry Bunnies
Hard to fathom, isn’t it? Easter bunnies with fruit filling containing actual fruit. Here, it’s fresh raspberry ganache.
John & Kira’s Valrhona Chocolate Bunny
Nothing says Easter like a bunny made of solid, 62 percent dark chocolate from Valrhona. Just make sure to put the kids to bed before you start to nibble: These bunnies aren’t for minors.
Visit Chowhound for your Easter dinner recipes to go along with your chocolate treats.
Top photo by Christopher Rochelle / Chowhound.com