Cigarette makers were the first to market to women. In the 1920s, Marlboro touted “ivory tips protect the lips” (lungs, however, were left to fend for themselves). And Lucky Strike urged females who wanted to keep their figures to “reach for a Lucky instead of a sweet.” No doubt the campaign eventually succeeded in making many smokers emaciated indeed.

Since that time, when companies wanted to appeal to women, they made the packaging (and sometimes even the stuff inside) pink ‘n’ girly. That’s what some booze makers have done in recent years, resulting in things like sex liqueurs and Chick Beer. The latter comes in bottles with a black corset on the label and a purselike six-pack (pictured). Gag me.

Lately, though, there’s been an uptick in booze marketing to women, and it’s much, much worse than beer in bustiers. Jezebel blogger Cassie Murdoch recently tried to rinse out the bad taste of promotional copy for Be.’s “ladies’ wines,” but there’s plenty more where that came from. Here are four examples of marketing copy that could have been stolen from reruns of Sex and the City—that is, if the series had been scripted by Elle Woods:

Sassy Bitch Wine: “Sassy Bitch Chardonnay is blonde and beautiful! … What can she say? She’s young and fresh!”

Van Gogh Blue Vodka: “Come unbottled with the only premium triple wheat vodka that’s guaranteed to be smoother than most of the men you meet out at the bars. Okay, all. Sometimes a girl just wants to shake things up a bit. … That’s why Van Gogh Vodka has been serving up five-star rated flavors that are smoother than silk sheets for … well, the exact number doesn’t matter.”

Skinnygirl Sangria: “[O]ur Sangria—in true Skinnygirl Cocktails fashion—is refreshing and delicious, low in calories … and it uses white grapes, so it’s clear in color … meaning you get to worry less about spills and stains.”

Pucker Sour Apple Sass: “In the mood for a cocktail that isn’t shy? One that has a little edge, a little playful attitude? Try one made with Sour Apple Sass and bite your tongue!” Cherry Tease, another Pucker flavor, promises “full cherry explosion.” Pour out the cheap flavored vodka—I’ll totally have what she’s having.

Image source: Chick Beer

See more articles