I Paid: $19.99 for an 8.5-ounce jar (prices may vary by region)
It’s hard not to be drawn in by extraordinary claims. When a company willingly raises the bar, it’s you, the consumer, who gets to bitterly complain at length when the product falls flat. And if it doesn’t, well, huzzah, you’ve enjoyed whatever extraordinary offering has been dangled in your direction.
Whole Foods is ground zero for some of the most interesting and extreme claims in the world of food—its customers have an interest in self-medicating through magical food, and said customers have the money to do so. And it was at Whole Foods that I stumbled upon the prominently displayed Green SuperFood Orange Dreamsicle Drink Powder.
The actual pitch is so extraordinary that it demands reprinting in full: “A little taste of Summer in every cup, Orange Dreamsicle Green SuperFood ensures you and your family will love drinking your greens. Greens that taste like an Orange Creamsicle? Sounds more like Orange Dreamsicle!”
After all that, it’s a little disappointing to discover that the product, a powdered drink additive with antioxidants, vitamins, and fiber, is a fine green powder that resembles lawn fertilizer or some sort of obscure hobby material. It’s then a little encouraging to mix said powder into water—creating a dark green slurry only slightly more appetizing than bread mold—and discover that it smells, a bit, like an orange Creamsicle.
Then you taste the stuff. The Creamsicle is there, somewhere, in the background, but what you’re getting is not so much a Popsicle on a hot summer day as a Popsicle that was dropped in a puddle of algae and then dipped in a glass of water.
If the concept behind Green SuperFood Orange Dreamsicle Drink Powder is that it helps the magic medicine go down by making it taste irresistible, then consider the concept thoroughly busted: It was a pleasure to dump my 90 percent unconsumed glass of this stuff down the kitchen sink. Orange Dreamsicle, indeed.