Table Manners
Bad Dinner, No Tip
Is it ever OK to stiff the waitstaff?
Dear Helena,
I recently went to a (nice) Asian restaurant with my boyfriend. Our server was rather surly the whole time; when we said we just wanted waters he slammed two glasses in front of us. I finished most of my glass before realizing there was some unidentifiable schmutz hanging out in the bottom (our silverware was also filthy). My sushi was a ball of rice with a speck of salmon on top and my dumplings were massive dough balls with OK vegetables but foul-tasting pork; my boyfriend’s beef was inedible and his pork bun came out almost half an hour after everything else. When I told our waiter about a few of these faux pas, he laughed at us, which sealed my decision (even as a former waiter) not to tip on our $50 meal. He picked up my credit card slip before we made it out of the restaurant and began to berate us in front of the entire restaurant. Were we in the wrong here? —Faintly Nauseous
Dear Faintly Nauseous,
When you get bad service, you can’t always be sure it’s the server’s fault. If your burger takes 45 minutes to arrive, it could be because the server was too stoned to place your order, or because the kitchen is slammed. If he doesn’t bring the ketchup, it could be because he’s lazy, or because the place is understaffed. So unless the server has poured gravy in your lap and made a pass at your wife, you should always leave some kind of tip.
In your case, this may seem unfair. Although your server wasn’t responsible for cooking the food or washing the glasses, he could have managed a simple apology, instead of laughing in your face. But as Chowhounds have pointed out in their discussion of this issue, not tipping may hurt staff besides the server. If the restaurant is a “pooled house” (where servers share tips with runners, busboys, and other employees), when you don’t leave a tip, you’re punishing all the other staff members too.
In any case, when you don’t leave a tip, the gesture could be misinterpreted. Phoebe Damrosch, author of Service Included: Four-Star Secrets of an Eavesdropping Waiter and a former server at Per Se, says: “If you don’t tip, it’s easy for the waiter to rationalize that you’re cheap or European.” Or, says Janet Wesley∗, a server at Gary Danko, it could look like you’re “drunk and can’t handle the math.”
Because it doesn’t send a clear message, leaving no tip is emotionally unsatisfying. It’s just punishment for punishment’s sake. “Revenge doesn’t feel all that good in the long run,” says Damrosch. You’ll feel much better if you communicate clearly why you’re unhappy, and you may improve the restaurant.
When you get the check, tip 10 percent, and explain why. If you leave 10 percent, the server won’t think you’re a drunk, a jerk, or a cheapskate, and he or she will have to take you seriously. Says Damrosch: “If you leave 10 percent and make it clear you didn’t have a good time, they’ll think of you as a good citizen and feel badly.”
You can explain to the manager on the spot. But if the place is slammed, that might not be the best time to get his attention; and if you’ve had a bad dinner, you may just want to slink home for some Pepto-Bismol or a nightcap. Plus direct confrontation is not to everyone’s taste. Wesley confesses: “I don’t have the vocabulary or confidence to [criticize the service] in a nice way without sounding arrogant.”
Instead, email the restaurant the next day and air your grievances. This might seem like too much bother. But you may get a bonus: “If the restaurant is decent they may offer you something in the future,” Damrosch says. Of course, even if the restaurant offers you a free bottle of champagne, you may not be inclined to return. But your feedback could save others from suffering through a meal as bad as yours.
∗Her name has been changed at her request.
Table Manners appears every Wednesday. Have a Table Manners question? Email Helena.
RE: pooled tips. In this case, since both the service and the food were bad, I wouldn't feel guilty about hurting other staff members. Besides, maybe a little peer pressure would help those who are doing a bad job and thus hurting all of them to shape up. Also, if you've got cash, you can slip some to someone who did do a good job (a great busser who did more work than the waiter, for example). Even ten percent sound like someone is just cheap or can't do the math. Isn't a penny the standard "service was horrible" tip?
If a waiter slammed anything down on my table and laughed at me, I wouldn't tip 10%. The most they would get is one shiny penny. I work as a server, and I know how important tips are. Tips need to be earned, they aren't just given for the privilege of having a server. Sorry, no. Tipping any amount for terrible service is rewarding bad behavior.
If the tips are pooled, why would I be tipping anyone else for the crappy food and service? Even if the food was good and the service awful, in most states kitchen workers aren't legally entitled to tip pools. If there was a particularly helpful busser, I'd tip him directly. If the server has to tip out to other employees at the end of the night, maybe the fact that he'll be paying out of his own pocket due to my lack of tip would teach him to become a better server or find a new job.
In general it's best to leave a small tip and talk to the manager, but the idea is to start getting it fixed BEFORE it's time to tip. If you're too timid to say when you're being mistreated, you've no reason to complain at the end. There are no time machines where staff can go back and make your visit better retroactively.
Some kinds of restaurants, however, do not exactly have sympathetic managers. If you've ever tried to complain at dim sum, in one of the Brighton Beach Russian vodka houses or in a Korean barbecue restaurant, you know exactly what I'm talking about -- unless you are able to be frigid and imperious in the appropriate language, you stand absolutely zero chance of the message being passed by the manager to the server. When you see a fight happening in Cantonese between patrons and a manager, you can be sure it's pretty juicy and insulting -- "your chef isn't worthy to peel vegetables" is the least of it.
If I'd been berated in the restaurant I would have made my message ABUNDANTLY clear to the entire restaurant (since the volume level would have been turned up already). I've had some embarrassing rants in Chinese restaurants in the LA area, and it is basically one gigantic pissing match to see who can show more disdain for the other party. You can read my reviews of Mr. Swiss/Chongqing Restaurant or Ten Ten Anaheim to see what I mean.
I smell a rat. The writer states it was a nice Asian restaurant, yet received abominable service. My BS detector is clicking loudly, indicating that perhaps there was some embellishment in the telling of this story.
Furthermore, since the writer says she was a former server she should know perfectly well that not only was no tip deserved, but she should have demanded to see a manager had the events described be on the level.
Frankly, I think someone is pulling Helena's leg.
I live in a country where tipping isn't a matter of course. Tipping occurs when the experience and staff deserve the reward.
So Helena's response defies all sense of logic to me. I mean sure the reason why etiquette can be such a mystery to many is because it isn't always about the application of logic and common sense.
However, you go to a restaurant and the food is below par, the service rude, the cutlery and glasses grotty but you tip 10% just to prove to the staff at the restaurant that you can do the math?
What does a patron on the receiving end of a bad dining experience have to prove to anyone at the establishment? While from what I understand tipping is necessary to make up for fairly average wages, does that mean that the wait-staff who is unpleasant and unhelpful is entitled to a tip for not doing their job?
It strikes me that rewarding service that isn't even striving for mediocrity only ensures that future patrons of the restaurant will have to suffer through similar bad service.
In this case I it sounds like the patron had already been stiffed by the wait-staff and didn't need to tip nor explain themselves as I think the lack of tip should have spoken volumes. And when the wait-staff attempts to shame you into tipping that's when you get management involved.
Actually, why don't restaurants do away with the unstated rule of mandatory tipping and charge an automatic service fee of the patron - rather like corkage fees?
This way if the patron thinks the service, food and experience was good, great, superb etc they are free to tip accordingly.
I feel one of the better solutions to this situation would be to ask to speak with a manager immediately. If my dinner was that atrocious and the service equally deplorable, I would like my chance to speak with the floor manager. If it was impossible to speak with the manager at that moment, I'm not sure what kind of tip I would have left, but the restaurant would definitely be emailed the following morning.
I am surprised that a "nice" Asian restaurant would serve inedible and/or disproportionately tiny food; that being said, you can't always be sure it's the server's fault your food came out badly, unless, of course, it is the kind of place with heat lamps and your server let your food die in the window.
I'm a server, but I don't think stiffing the waiter was inappropriate here. He sounds like a complete jerk, and regardless of whether tipping is customary, a tip is still something that needs to be earned. Since working in the service industry, I've become a lot more intolerant of rudeness when I go out to eat. While the quality and condition of the food wasn't your server's fault, the way that he treated with you and dealt with your complaint was something completely under his control. Particularly at higher end restaurants, servers don't have difficult jobs. While we might have to put up with a lot, it's not that difficult to do it graciously and with a smile, and I have absolutely no patience for those who can't even fake it.
If a decent wage can't be mandated, how about Separate tipping jars - one for the kitchen staff and one for the wait staff.
Maybe some competition will improve the experience and give some clues to management about what customers really think.
As a former server, I know that most chain restaurants will charge each waiter 4-5% of total sales. That goes to busboys, cooks, dishwashers, etc. I will never completely stiff a waiter in one of these places - however bad the service is, I don't think anyone should have to pay to serve me dinner. I'll ask the manager what the tip pool charge is, and that's what I'll tip.
Cardinal sins to me are 1) not doing a dinner check 2-3 minutes after the entree has been dropped off. (how can you fix a problem if you don't bother to find out things are?), and 2) disappearing for 20-30 minutes after I've finished my entree. I hate staring at an empty plate and waiting for my coffee.
I just don't believe the story. I think Helena is making things up, you can generally tell when she does. After all, her good advice is usually cockroached from the General Chowhounding topics.
Lousy service, awful food, well gee, here's 10%! Is that some sort of kinky S&M dining, where you pay extra to be treated like crap.
"ooh, baby, my flatware and water glass are filthy, the food is gross, and the waiter just laughed in my face-I'm so turned ON!"
First, waiters should be paid properly, and should be trained right. Waiting tables is an art that is sadly given too low a status in the US. If we regarded them more highly and demanded they be artisans, as in other parts of the world, they would take pride and do a good job. This means paying them a decent wage.
Second, if we paid and respected good waiters right, then they wouldn't NEED tips to just get by. IN that case, a tip would be what it was supposed to be, a reward for going above and beyond. This should go for all people who do similar service, such as bartenders and such.
It seems ludicrous and backwards that at least a 10% tip is expected, no matter what. Because it IS ludicrous. Somehow, we have allowed this whole tipping thing to skew way out of control. Making staff share tips is even crazier. I didn't tip the chef, I wanted my tip to go to my amazing waiter. The chef should also be paid properly, as the busboys and other staff.
And personally, no, I will not tip for absolutely lousy service. Then I try to explain to the manager why. THEN I write a letter to the owner, also explaining why. If service is bad, somehow, something broke down in the chain of command-either the owner doesn't care, the manager doesn't care or the server doesn't care. By not tipping, I show I do not agree with the lackluster product( service, whatever.)
Now, I have to balance this by saying when I do receive great service, I tip exorbitantly. I tip in direct proportion to the service, really. I gave the waiter who ran down to CVS to get me benadryl after I accidentally consumed nuts a huge tip, as well as the other wiater who put herself out one evening because I was sick, alone, and dining to try and feel good somehow. The waiter who treated us like Gold on our first anniversary as well.
The waiter who told me he didn't consider peanut oil a nut, and therefore it was MY fault I was going into anaphylaxis after he had assured me the food had "no peanuts, nuts or nut oils in it" and served me a heaping plate of seafood fried in peanut oil and THEN informed my husband I was a whiney bitch and "faking it" when I began to wheeze, THEN brought out the check with the food on the bill while we were tying to rush out to get my epi, well, he got zilch. He deserved me socking him in the googlies, but I was otherwise indisposed.
The one who spilled hot soup all over my new dress, then demanded I let him pay for the meal, the dry cleaning, and the extra dessert he brought us got a VERY big tip.
I think that it's preposterous to expect a tip after you've treated someone with complete and utter disrespect. Let's not forget that the tip is To Insure Prompt service. If service is neither prompt nor courteous and the food is inedible and the cutlery dirty well then the only tip I would leave is the number for the health department.
I'm so sick of hearing how difficult it is to be a server, look around, it's difficult to be a human these days. I have gotten great service in roadside ditch restaurants in Laos and horrific service in Chelsea. The only difference is my server in Laos would NOT accept more than a nominal tip and the actor masquarading as waitstaff in Chelsea expected a tip commensurate with his pouting ability.
Exactly how does tipping nothing come across as not being able to do the math? It seems to me that, while a ten percent tip could be taken to have been poorly calculated, tipping nothing proves you're pretty capable of figuring out what zero percent of the bill is.
It also seems as if leaving nothing is less likely to come across as cheap than leaving ten percent.
Maybe the same can't be said for everyone, but it's pretty damned easy for me to tell when someone is European (or, at least, white and not American). If you're American, unless you don't speak a single word to the server, I can't see you being in danger of being mistaken for European.
I've never come across service bad enough to deserve no tip at all, but, in the situation described by Faintly Nauseous, no tip was deserved. I doubt I even would have stayed to the completion of the meal.
As to the other staff members that you may be punishing by not leaving a tip, it sounds like they all did a crappy job in the example given. When this is not the case, maybe they need to talk to the server, or even the management. To be cliche about it, a chain is as strong as its weakest link. I'm not going to tip on a bad experience. Saying you should tip when the service is bad because the busboy deserves a tip is a bit like saying that even if the car salesman treats you like crap, you should buy the car so the welder in Detroit who did a great job isn't laid off.
I agree, for the most part, that the bad service should be brought up early in the meal. That is generally the best approach. But, honestly, a lot of the time, it's only going to make my night worse to get into it with the manager. It's not my responsibility to tell him his server sucks; it's his responsibility to hire good waitstaff.
Maybe Helena has enough disposable income to piss away a 10% tip on bad food and bad service. I have to make my money count, however, which means I wouldn't tip anything for the experience described here.
I tip 15-20% for exceptional service, because the service is so important to the experience. If the food itself was bad but the waiter was terrific, I would have left a normal tip. But this guy was a jerk. and I should tip him in order to have leverage to help correct his bad behavior? That makes ZERO sense. It's easier to take my business elsewhere, to a place that will appreciate it.
As a former waitron I know how important tips are and how bad service is never rewarded. If I was rude, unhelpful and didn't check on my customer's orders then I wouldn't expect a tip. If however I did my job and went beyond what was expected from me then I'd expect one.
The server in this story is totally in the wrong but the writer really should have spoken to the manager about it. There is the chance that nothing would be done about it, but at least you've brought this to their attention.
I remember when this has worked for me, I've gotten a sincere appology from the manager, and other times that it was practically ignored and the manager practically said, "I really don't care". The former I've returned to, the latter I've stayed away from.
So a 10% tip isn't mandatory especially if he's not doing his job.
Helena, the message one sends by leaving no tip is clear as day. Bad at math? Drunk? Whatever. Also, I don't know about you, but I don't leave a zero tip to leave a message. I leave a zero tip when service is so bad that it should not be rewarded at all. The purpose is not revenge or the satisfaction of sending some kind of message (what kind of person thinks like that?). The purpose is to not give my money to someone who doesn't deserve it.
If a waiter stiffs me on the service, I stiff them on the tip. I think it is only fair.
I, too, wouldn't dream of leaving a tip for such appalling service. What I would have done instead, though, is to - in pen - write on the credit card payment slip and again on the bill itself a stern note with the waiter's name detailing exactly why I left no tip, and where it says "TIP" I would write "See back" to draw attention to my note. Then not only would the waiter be aware of his or her shortcomings, but face well-deserved embarrassment by anyone else who would have to see them. (Whether anyone else would or not, I'm not sure. I don't know how all that paper gets moved around in the food industry.)
leave a quarter. its large enough to be noticeable,not something the customer would have left behind by accident, and lets the waitron know that a "real" tip wasn't simply forgotten.
The writer said the restaurant was nice in parentheses - I took that to mean that although he didn't agree, but it was considered a more upscale place. And, no, I do NOT think he should have tipped that arrogant member of the waitstaff, even if tips were pooled. Tipping is still voluntary in this country - there is no legal mandate to leave one. When the waiter gets pissy because you don't want to buy a drink and slams your "free" water down on the table in disdain, he's lost most of the tip right then. The bad food only accentuated how not "nice" the restaurant was. His laughing was the kicker - and his chasing them out the door to complain - well, that just proved he didn't deserve it. It isn't a entitlement - it's a bonus!
The only message that you are sending by leaving 10% in that situation is that you are a pushover, and that the server can treat customers however he wants without any real consequences. It's not your job to teach a restaurant staff how to run their business, if you don't like the service, don't tip, and if you don't like the food, don't come back. They'll either improve, or the other restaurants in town will be happy to take their business.
Plus, the main thing that Helena is missing is that the waiter embarassed them in front of the entire place for not leaving a tip, so he clearly knew that they didn't leave one for a reason.
Kudos to Diana for the best response I've ever seen!! I hope she charged the person who deliberately lied to them about the peanut oil with battery (if not worse). Girl - you have it right!! And, when lawmakers start realizing that waitstaff are just as deserving of at least a minimum wage as anyone else, I'll be happier about tipping. I shouldn't be supplementing the employer's salaries - I should be enhancing it!! In NJ, waitstaff hourly wage is currently where it was when I waitressed in 1980!! THAT'S a crime!!!
this story is completely made up.
Gee, dahlia. You sound so sure. Why don't you tell us how you know this. I mean, it's not like you are saying you only THINK it's made up. You're stating it as fact. So....how do you know that?
If a person that doesn't like being a waiter takes a job as a waiter and does a deliberate snotty, mean job of taking my order and bringing my food without any attitude on my part (and I don't, because I know being a waiter is a hard job and I cut a waitron in a busy restaurant a lot of slack) hell no I won't leave a tip. That waiter can think whatever the hell they want about my math abilities or alcohol habits, because they're going to come up with some excuse or other as to why I was such a turd and didn't leave a tip. People like that never see themselves as the cause of their bad karma. I'm always polite to the waitstaff and expect the same in return. I've only stiffed a waiter once in my long life, and he was so disdainful it was humiliating. He even followed us out to the car and shouted "Thanks for the tip!" we replied 'Thanks for the service!' and called the manager when we got home. The manager made a bunch of excuses for his behavior, i thanked him for the audience, and we never went back. No problem.
Wow!!
Wonderful responses and insights. I read every one and came away with one distinct feeling: I AM WAY TOO GENEROUS A TIPPER!!
It does seem like tipping has come to be expected by all service industry folk in the U.S. when in fact it isnt even Mandatory! That beings said, I tip all the time, even when the service is not fit to be called S-E-R-V-I-C-E. I usually leave way less in such cases. But in general I am a very generous tipper(18-25%) most times.
Restaurants need to pay closer attention to the folks they hire for waitstaff because nothing leaves a bad taste in your mouth like BAD SERVICE. The Food could be Top Notch,The Ambience remarkable and the Wine superb, but if the Service is Bad, thats all the diner will remember, I guarantee it. Chefs/restauranteurs need to stress Better Service across the board.
Kudo's to 'danieljdwyer' and 'Diana' for very interesting stories and observations. The comments on this board will long outlive the actual article by Helena.
Kudo's all around.
I LOVE CHOW.
Yes your waiter may or may not be able to control your food.
But they can certainly handle how you are treated when you complain.
If a server laughed at my complaint that would be an automatic 1 cent tip. I was a server for 3 years in college and i do not remember ever laughing at someone.
bad service = no tip.
I was the first one to call shenanigans on this story. The writer says she was a former server, yet she asks if she should have tipped someone who displayed such egregious behavior?
I mean,come on already.
Am I the only one that's annoyed by the people posting just to say the story is fake? Who cares? Write to the editor, complain. Even if the question is fabricated, it's still an opportunity to discuss the subject and learn things. Quit the whining, detectives.
I've done my time as a waiter, too (I'm a musician, it goes with the territory). And, I've had nights where I've worked my fanny off and food has still come out late because the kitchen is slow, or I've been triple-sat, etc. Because of that, I always leave a tip, even if food is delayed--as long as the server is trying hard, and is being as pleasant and attentive as s/he can be under the circumstances.
BUT, in this instance? Where the waiter laughs at complaints, and acts like a general jerk? Forget it! I would never expect to be tipped in this circumstance, and if I ever had dressed a diner down for not tipping me? You can bet the manager would have sent me home. Who on earth allows employees to behave like that without stepping in?
Yeah. Don't tip and don't go back. Life's too short, and there are too many restaurants.
No whining here. I just call a troll a troll. This story is just so outrageous that I don't believe it, and I think a lot of people are buying into it.
However, if one is really interested in a thoughtful discussion, why post something that lacks credibility? To me, it smacks of someone who's looking for attention via the internet. Bring up common service issues, such as bringing the wrong food, delayed service, rude servers, being ignored, etc. Not to mention is the server incompetent or overwhelmed? How much leeway should we give them? It could go on forever.
And then we have the additional "who should be blamed, the kitchen or the server?" disagreements.
I'm sorry I offended you, but I'm offended by people who try to BS me. No need to be rude to me as I wasn't to you. If you want to buy into this sob story, by all means, have at it, but don't riducule those of us who don't.
Have a nice day
Since I was the one that wrote in with the question originally, I figured I'd weigh in on a few things. This happened last summer (which was when I wrote into Helena originally) and the restaurant was Lilly's Noodle Shop on 3rd between 84th and 85th.
To doubters like KaimukiMan and dahlia, I can wholly assure you all that this did happen (in fact, even my boyfriend remembered it when I showed him the article last night). Plainly speaking, the place settings weren't clean, the meat didn't taste right, and the waiter was an ass. Was this a sob story? Not at all. It was a crappy dining experience. We all have them, and most of us when we do have them question whether or not a tip is appropriate when the check comes.
As a former server, I struggle with not tipping. I've only done it once before that incident and haven't done it since. I know how hard it is to pay rent and bills when your salary is determined by the people you serve. I know what it's like to be trying 110% to make your customers' experiences happy so that they'll go for that 20%. I've been there. It sucks. Even more than getting some bad sushi and beef. I hated the service and the fact that the waiter called me a b**ch in front of the entire restaurant as we were leaving sealed the deal, but my Jewish guilt still kicked in. No one (at least no one here) wants to be That Guy. That's why I took my crisis of faith (as it were) to Helena. And I really love both her answer and the discussion this prompted. Had it just been a bad server but good food and a clean table, I would have considered differently at the time, but it was the overall experience that left me, well, Faintly Nauseous. And I found it rather enlightening that some schools believe that I should still offer some tip regardless of how awful the service is.
In regards to Marcia's call out on the "nice" factor, Das Ubergeek spoke to it very well. I wasn't going to get through to a staff of mostly native Chinese. You can see what happened when I brought my concerns up to the waiter about our glasses/forks being dirty and the meat not tasting fresh. However, Lilly's isn't a hole-in-the-wall Chinese joint that you go to for a little masochism to go with your General Tso's. When the bill for one pork bun, a salmon roll, some dumplings, and a small order of sesame beef comes out to $50, I'd say that ought to be nice. Is it Nobu or Mr. Chow's? No. But there's still a level of service to be expected.
(For the record, we had a really great post-dinner-dinner at the Papaya King on 86th and 3rd. Now THAT is good skit that I'll tip for any day of the week.)
As a server, typically I am more forgiving than most diners because I understand that many other factors may be at hand, BUT there is never an excuse for rudeness. I don't care if you are having a bad day - check your attitude at the door. If service is slow, that might not be the server's fault - it could be the kitchen or maybe the restaurant is understaffed. And the food is never the servers fault.....but rude servers don't deserve a tip. I work way too hard for my money to give it to a server who treats me poorly.
The story sounds a little concocted to me too. Probably just to get a rise out of us and look how well it worked :)
Nevertheless...if the server is rude or inept to that degree, I leave a dollar. Yes I realize that is a little bitchy and I have only done it 4 times in my 50 years but I feel it was the right choice every time. I do not feel like I should have to interrupt my dinner to explain to the server or the manager or anyone else how to do their job, especially, if, as in this case, it seems like it wouldn't matter anyway. I will leave a dollar (or maybe a quarter) to leave my message that I did NOT forget the tip but that I made a choice to practically stiff you.. I might follow up with a letter to the manager or I might just never go there again and spread the word. If the food was bad but the waiter apologetic and acknowedges the problem, I will tip the waiter cash. No one should be rewarded for bad service/food. I understand that tips are often pooled but that is a labor issue not a tipping issue. I am obligated to pay for the food if I ordered it (unless it is dangerously inedible) but I am not obligated to tip anyone.
I don't patronize restaurants that add the tip onto my bill. And to add fuel to the fire here, I don't tip baristas at Starbucks either. (Even before I knew that the shift managers took a cut). I tip to reward very good service not to help the restaurants bottom line.
"In regards to Marcia's call out on the "nice" factor,"
I believe the only reference I made to nice was, "have a nice day" Nothing more so I think you have me confused with another poster.
Anyway, I still don't understand. Well, I understand, but frankly, you know perfectly well behavior such as you described doesn't deserve further compensation. Despite your protest of your "jewish guilt" I can't believe you actually had to ask for validation.
But it's a new week, a new story, and time for me to move on.
Helena had yet to do a column on stiffing the waitstaff, so it was as good a time as any to bring it up.
Some of us just want to do the right thing.
My standard procedure on anything less than a 15% tip is to leave a note. Nothing wordy, just a few (2-5) words on the bottom of the credit card slip. I figure if I'm going to 'send a message' I want it to be clear.
I'd love to hear what the waitstaff in this discussion think of this idea.
I was a waiter for many years. I knew when I gave service that was not up to my usual high standard (not feeling well, etc.). On the few occasions that happened, I would've understood why I received a less than normal tip. Luckily, my customers were always very generous, and I never really recieved any low tips. My point here is that any fairly adept waiter knows when he hasn't performed well, and most likely won't be surprised if the greatest tip isn't left.
HOWEVER, if a waiter is completely rude to your face, he probably doesn't care much about his job, and I say eff him! I'd leave a note along with a paltry tip, if any. (Former) waiters really hate seeing bad waiters rewarded- they make everyone in the industry look bad!
I agree with cordybrown on all the points mentioned. I have found that even a very sucessfully resolved complaint can disrupt the relaxation I seek when I choose to dine out. I don't always feel like donning my battle armor when I just wanted a mellow experience. Maybe I'm just a wimp, but I don't want to always have to consider all the implications of everything when I just want food and drink. I generally don't do the tip jar thing at ice cream palors, coffee places, and bakeries. And if I get bad vibes for not tossing my change into the tip jar I just don't go back. So I have stopped patronizing my local starbucks and also a bakery that I really liked. But the internet does give me hope. We can pass on info about our good and bad expeiences to others. I love my chowhound.
As the majority of commenters here, I also worked as a waitress for many years. I have seldom 'stiffed' any waitstaff, BUT, in the case of an experience as bad as this, I wouldn't hesitate for a moment to leave no tip. The people who suggested that this is wrong are obviously clueless. If they want to reward bad food and even worse service, I can't stop them, but I would never do that. I am an extremely generous tipper when the service is good. I tend to patronise the same handful of restaurants in this area, and the staff are usually very glad to see me. However, I do expect the same level of service even when dining in a 'new' place. If I am willing to spend, on average, $50 per person or more for dinner, then the service must match the prices. I don't blame the staff if the food isn't all it should be, but I do expect them to convey my complaints to the kitchen and/or the management. Bottom line....very bad service, NO tip.
I think it is good practice to address the situation right away. Either get up and leave the place at the first sign of trouble,like when water was requested and glasses slammed OR at the first sign of trouble leave the table, walk to the host stand, and ask to speak with the manager. Explain your expectations and describe what has happened so far. In my experience these tactics are very effective.
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As a restaurant manager who reads comments on this site a lot, I can only implore you folks to PLEASE PLEASE under ANY circumstance bring it to a manager's attention.
There is commentary here on my restaurant from guests who were ignored or otherwise mistreated and nobody in management was able to intervene, because they were not aware of the situation. This is no excuse, as we should be aware of all things at all times. However, we all know that we can at best strive for perfection and merely achieve excellence.
Good managers will know that they must impress 4 fold for every transgression just to get the guest to where they were when they walked in the door. A creative manager will come up with a solution that will leave all parties satisfied.
Thanks folks for patronizing our establishments. We can't make magic happen without you!
As a former restaurant manager, cook, waiter and busboy, I have known some staff that should have never received a tip. I do believe we all should tip not only the wait staff but also the cook when they deserve it.
I also believe that when the food or service are just plain bad the best thing is to speak to the manager and explain why you are not leaving a tip. This is the only way to rid the place of unworthy employees.
The first thing I do when entering a new restaurant, is take a good long smell, If there is any indication the place is not clean, I leave. I have been in some very nice restaurants that you can easily tell if they are using filthy mops and filthy rags to clean the place. If so, I bet all the other sanitation standards are also by passed. If your tableware has finger prints on them, you can bet the same person putting dirty dishes in one end of the washer is the same person taking the clean ones out and without washing hands. Always check the tableware before you order. This could save you from a bad meal. (Beware the large stake houses.)
When you avoid bad restaurants, you have less time worrying about the TIP.
Those whom have receive bad service might want to try this. It has worked for me on a couple of occasions.
Request to speak to the general manager or owner immediately, before paying the bill. Then, succinctly and calmly explain the problem. Also make it quite clear that you are paying the entire bill, with the tip. Explain that it would be quite unfair to penalize the rest of the staff because of the actions of one person. Also make it clear that you will be returning, with the understanding that this problem will be resolved and that it will never happen again. That's fair enough.
You will be amazed at how people react to this. And if they don’t, and you encounter the same or similar problems on your return visit, then it’s time for plan “B.” Plan “B” is simply, stiff’em! Not the bill, just the tip. Not paying the bill would be just plain dishonest, not to mention unethical. If, however, the restaurant were a part of a national chain, rest assured I’d be burning up the keyboard the next day sending e-mails to the national headquarters, with “CC’s” to the CEO and whom ever else I could find an e-mail address for.
If the place is a real dump, I might be inclined to drop a dime on them with the Board of Health. Chances are, if the management and wait staff is that poor, then the kitchen is probably beyond belief. Just tell the BOH that you saw Ratatouille working a pan of Dim Sum. That will get somebody’s attention. :-D
My experience has always been that waiters of waitresses that check the credit card slip immediately (before the customer has left the building) have reason to believe that they will not receive a good tip.
Watch this next time you are at a good restaurant. If it is obvious that the people at a table near you are not happy with their service, pay attention to how fast their server checks the tip after they leave. Then watch for the same at tables where there are no complaints.
No service. No tip.
Sometimes it can be hard to tell whether it's the service or the kitchen that's at fault. That being said, the server does control their own attitude. Timid or not, stand up for yourself and ask to speak to the manager. Explain the problem, if the food is really terrible, don't eat it! If the manager does not offer to comp an uneaten meal, be sure to let them know that you will not be returning and you will not recommend the establishment to others. Pay the bill and leave a tip. If the service is the issue, leave a small tip; if it's the food leave a good tip.
On the other side of that coin, ask to speak to the manager if you get exceptional service. I was in a restaurant one time and my Mom received a dish that was so salty it was inedible. We spoke to the server who immediately offered to replace the dish and did so quickly and with a great attitude. I made sure I spoke with the manager about her professionalism, we left her a big tip.
I think tipping should be more case specific.
But as a whole I always tip at a restaurant, and I don't travel much so I research most places before going there. I wouldn't set foot in a place with such rude service, I can't believe that place is actually still in business. But if I has service that rude I would have complained but still left a 15% tip because that's what I expect to give no matter what happens. But I would have made the management aware of the situation with a call back, or on the spot. I would also tell my friends not to eat there. I wouldn't allow my displeasure to make me angry enough not to tip because the act of not tipping would likely make my night even more stressful by not doing something that I believe in doing for services rendered, be it bad service or good service.
If management decided to comp my meal I would still leave a tip but hopefully the manager would have addressed the server and taken care of his attitude and ineptitude.
I was at a Dennys in Seattle a few months ago and received absolutely terrible service. The waitress took our order rather impatiently and rolled her eyes when we asked for water refills.
When my friends and I left I wrote her a little note on a napkin that simply said You were mean.
I've always felt written words are much more effective than voices for complaints.
With words there are no escalating emotions and no fights.. the words are what they are.
Perhaps the waiter in the original post was aspiring to be one of those waiters that is so rude, patrons come from near and far to witness the rudeness? The one I know of around here was in a Chinese restaurant. They have to get started somewhere....
To add my 2 cents worth: no tip, and leave a note or talk to the manager. And let Chowhounds know about the experience.
I have certain expectations from a server. (O.K., I am anal about service.) While I expect better service at an upscale place than I do at Olive Garden here some minimum standards. My tip is based on that service. The usual tip is 20%, but I have left more or less. (Yes, I have left none on occasion.) If I leave significantly less, I ask to speak to the manager AFTER I have paid the tab, (so he or she doesn't think I am just looking for a free meal) and politely explain the low tip. Only on one occasion has the manager made excuses for the poor service.
I will also leave a better tip if the service is above and beyond. I will then tell the manager in that case, as well.
My pet peeves:
"Keep you salad fork for the entre." (Not just limited to lower end joints.)
"Who had the chicken breast?" (Especially when there are just two of us.)
Not following up to see if things are satisfactory.
Tipping has gotten totally out of hand on both ends. Restaurants use this to pay low wages and wait staff depend on them to pay their bills. That is NOT what a tip should be!
My mom worked at the old truck stop restaurants when I was growing up. She was paid min wage and in some cases even more. She taught me that tips were the "gravy" of the job - give good service and get a tip. Not this 20% BS or you must leave a tip BS that it has become now.
A tip should not depend on the total of the bill. It should depend on the service level. Just because I ordered the steaks and the next table ordered the chicken should not matter. After all, the work involved carrying the plates are the same. However, the number of people at the table getting served should always be taken into consideration.
If the service is excellent you should leave $5 per person. If it is regular then $3 and if it is poor ZERO! Families should leave $15 for excellent service.
Regular service is established as: getting your menus on time, getting your drinks on time, getting at least one refill, getting your meals on time, the server coming back at least once.
Excellent service is established as: a server doing above the normal such as coming back over and over, refilling your glass when half empty, bringing all items out as ordered, etc. This type of service always commands more money!
Wow, cajunbelle, I imagine servers duck and hide when you enter the building. The maximum tip a 'family' should leave is $15.00???? Wow. I imagine this is what your family taught you many years ago, and you still take it as gospel 20 years or more later. This is really bad. It is also why some ethnic groups are not welcomed with open arms at many restaurants. I only mention ethnic groups because I have heard this exact same things from many of my black friends. I haven't been able to change their minds, so I doubt I will change yours. When I go out with them, I always leave the tip, and they always ridicule me for leaving 'way too much'. As I said previously, I have worked as a waitress, and know exactly how much work is involved in providing 'great' service, especially to large groups of people. Leaving $15.00 on a $150.00+ check, especially when the waitperson has run his or her A** off, bringing extra napkins, straws, plates, etc. etc. etc. is just a huge insult. That being said, truly bad service does not deserve ANY tip. Ever.
fibrolady - I must say that this is not a black or white or ethnic issue... the issue is companies (restaurants) have been allowed to pay it's employees sub standard pay and it's own customers have been made to pay the bill and pay the employee's salary. I don't buy that any longer!
I have been in the work force since I was 12, starting out as a dishwasher for a local restaurant. I learned the value of the dollar way back when and never assumed a customer would leave me a tip - that is what I get a pay check for. My tip was for doing above my job and I appreciated every dollar I made that way. Then some where along the line wait people were made to look to the customer to make up for the lousy paycheck they received from their employers. Imagine if every job looked to their own customers to add to their employees' paychecks.
And I have never figured out what the size of the check has to do with the size of the tip? I eat a salad, main meal and a dessert and my bill comes to $200. The table next to me eats a salad, main meal and a dessert and their bill comes to $125. Why the difference in tip? Is a steak for $50 harder to carry than a trout dinner for $25? Is serving me a glass of wine for $6 more of a job than refilling my bottomless tea glass for $3? Once glass of wine @ $6 = $1.20 tip but refilling my $3 tea glass 4 times only merits a 60 cent tip?
I stand by the rule that the tips should be based on the people and service, never the bill!
cajunbelle:
"I stand by the rule that the tips should be based on the people and service, never the bill! "
That's great, maybe you can write the IRS and get that rule applied to server's minimum wages, so they don't have to pay taxes on tips they never receive from people who believe as you do.