Sunday morning.... A warm snuggly nice-warm-bed kind of Sunday morning. Lots of time to think about breakfast. Hot or cold? Hot! Hot is nice. Waffles? Maybe. Pancakes? Nah, waffles are better than pancakes. Think of something different. What about... Enchiladas ranchero. Nah. Not long enough since last time. Poached eggs? Nice idea... Béarnaise sauce? Can't afford the grams of fat! hmmmmm.... What about....???? What about grits? GRITS! What in the world made you think of grits? Oh, I don't know. Lots of people like them. You read about 'em all over the place. hmmm... How do you make them?
The bedside computer says they're easy. Four parts liquid to one part grits. The liquid can be all water or water and milk. Someone says half water, quarter half and half, quarter whipping cream. Fat grams! Whatever the final mixture, boil them for anywhere from six minutes for five minute grits to up to a half hour for fifteen minute grits. Stir frequently. Avoid lumps. Cheddar cheese is a highly recommended addition. And don't forget the salt and freshly ground black pepper. Some recommend sea scallops with grits. Sounds interesting but the cupboard is bare. Others say shrimp. Got plenty, but I think I like my shrimp with cocktail sauce, thank you.
Okay. Time for grits. Off to the kitchen. Saucepan. Two cups of water. One cup milk. One cup half and half. Salt. Boil. Add one cup grits. Stir. Reduce heat. Giant boiling blobs popping all over the place. Reduce heat some more. Stir. Stir. Stir. Nice. Add butter. Stir. Stir. Add cheddar. Stir. Spoon into soup plate. Dot with fresh butter. Sprinkle with pink Himalayan sea salt. Spatter with freshly ground tellicherry black pepper. Top with bacon flakes and one glorious fried egg with bright orange yolk.
Breakfast! Is it good? Well, it's okay. If you like grits. Do you like grits? Well, I dunno. I've never had 'em before, and I haven't decided yet. That doesn't matter! Do you like them? Well, if you must know, I don't think I'm crazy about them. This is ridiculous! What don't you like? Well, I don't like that they're not more exciting. Exciting? What do you want? Bells and whistles? Not necessarily, but... more flavor would be nice. Oh come on, these are exactly the kind of grits that people write about all of the time. Other people like them! What's wrong with you? hmmm... I don't think anything is wrong with me. I just don't have childhood memories of big heaping plates of steaming grits when Aunt Martha and Uncle Charlie came from Charleston, and brought me a puppy. I have no memories of glad creamy grits on a drab cloudy day. Stuff like that can make anything taste a lot better, you know? Okay, then answer me this: Will you ever make grits for breakfast again? ... ... I don't know. I just don't know. I guess I'm going to take the next seventy nine years to think about it. I'll let you know... Meanwhile I think I'll go melt some Gummy Bears...