I Paid: $1.29 for a 5-ounce box (prices may vary by region)
It’s a shame, because the box art is zippy and enticing, featuring a badass black background with flames and a scattering of shiny little rod-bacteria-shaped candies. A helpful legend shows you the four flavors you get in a box: lemon, orange, apple, and cinnamon.
It would be nice to report that each flavor is distinct, finely calibrated, and a delight for the palate, but we all know that this review is heading in a different direction. These things are dag nasty. Each of the four flavors offers its own desecration of its namesake, but they’re all dominated by two themes: a hammer-to-the-face sort of artificial “spicy” flavor that is neither pleasant nor all that spicy, and a sickening syrupy sweetness on the back end. The lemon flavor offers a wispy suggestion of zest, and apple would present an OK artificial-apple flavor if allowed to by the fake spicy note, but that’s not a saving grace for these miserable things. Even their exterior texture is lousy: instantly sticky on your fingertips in cool, dry weather.