Baking for Maniacs Pure

At long last, black metal–inspired cupcakes emerge from the shadowed valleys below. The Black Oven, a new baking blog that offers “immaculate confections succumbed to northern darkness,” introduces a recipe for chocolate cupcakes filled with a “cream cheese sea of woe”:

In a perfect world everything would be as stark and void of color as these cupcakes. They are baneful in their absolute disdain for your tastelessness, and are true misanthropes as far as baked goods go.

All the recipes look totally decadent and delicious—from the Frostbitten Molasses Cookies Entombed with Ginger to the Where the Chocolate Beats Incessant brownies—but you have to know a little bit about black metal to truly appreciate all the jokes.

The Metal Crypt explains, “[W]hen we say Black Metal we mean a specific sound: fast tremolo riffing, blasting drums, and satanic lyrics delivered in a high-pitched shriek.” A British band called Venom coined the term for this genre with its 1982 release Black Metal. (In case you were wondering, the title of this post references the lyrics of that record’s title track.) However, Norway—not the UK—was the epicenter of the early black metal movement, which is why Black Oven blogger Megan (a 22-year-old Aquarius with “an unhealthy relationship with black metal”) is going off about Odin (the Norse god of war and death) in her introduction to a recipe for Wintermoon Lemon Curd Cookies.

Now we just need Metalhead Meg to post a recipe for Deathcrush petits fours, and all our Mother’s Day menus will be complete.

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