Something Wicked This Way Comes

OK, the sheer hideousness of the KFC Famous Bowl is certainly no secret. No matter how good it looks in the ads, the actual concoction of mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, fried chicken, and cheese (cheese, for the love of God) should in no instances be consumed.

The KFC Famous Bowl has even made it into the comedy of Patton Oswalt. That Oswalt feels that that particular menu item most closely resembles “a failure pile in a sadness bowl” proves the comedian is at least somewhat as discerning as his alter ego, Remy the epicurean rat, whom he voiced in the animated film Ratatouille.

But, as the Onion’s A.V. Club found out, Oswalt hadn’t actually tried the Bowl of Death before he wrote a comedy routine around it. So those clever A.V. Club editors commissioned him to do a taste test.

If you expected him to have a Proustian epiphany concerning the Bowl’s deliciousness and denounce his former stance, you were wrong. His experience was rather more Lovecraftian:

The cheese had congealed. Even in the heat and steam of the covered Famous Bowl, it had congealed. I stabbed it with the tines of my spork and it all came up in one piece. I nibbled an edge, had a vision of a crying Dutch farmer, and put it down.

I managed three or four more spoonfuls, trying to be fair. I am not the healthiest eater, but this was a level of crap I hadn’t earned a belt in yet.

You’ve been warned.

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