The 12 Birds of Christmas

The turducken is old news; moreover, if you’ve ever tried the damn thing you’d know that it’s essentially the sum of its parts, plus a whole hell of a lot of labor. More importantly, the shock value of an edible turkey/chicken/duck nesting doll has almost completely worn off at this point.

Thank goodness that a farmer from Devon, Great Britain, has raised the stakes. The Daily Mail has the story:

This massive roast, the proud creation of Devon farmer Anne Petch, weighs almost four stone (more than most airlines’ baggage allowance), costs £665 [about $1,340], and has enough meat to serve 125 people.

It contains about 50,000 calories and takes more than eight hours to cook in an industrial[-sized] oven.

Anne, who runs the Heal Farm shop near Kings Nympton, said: ‘The True Love Roast has a bird for each of the 12 days of Christmas.’

Kudos to the Daily Mail for including an eye-popping photo diagram of the monster roast’s contents, which include:

1. Turkey, 2. Goose, 3. Barbary duck, 4. Guinea fowl, 5. Mallard, 6. Poussin, 7. Quail, 8. Partridge, 9. Pigeon squab, 10. Pheasant, 11. Chicken, 12. Aylesbury duck.

Could I tell you the difference between Aylesbury and Barbary ducks? No. Do I know what a poussin is, other than some kind of edible bird, thanks to this context? No. Would I try this bloated monstrosity of a novelty meal? On someone else’s dime, absolutely.

It’s the holidays!

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