From the Annals of “EWWWWWWWW!”

Note: If you are squeamish, stop reading now.

HORRIFIED diners watched in shock as a maniac sliced off his manhood in a crowded pizza restaurant.

The 35-year-old Pole burst into the Zizzi eaterie in central London and grabbed a knife from the kitchen.

He then leapt on a table and dropped his trousers as customers fled screaming.

A witness said: ‘There was blood everywhere. Everyone ran out of the place.’

The Sun article goes on to say that surgeons were trying their best to reattach the Bobbitted willy, but it is unknown at this time whether the surgery was successful or not. It is also the first British operation of its kind.

I honestly don’t know what else to add, except to maybe suggest that Zizzi remove any and all sausage dishes from the menu. And anything with meatballs. (Just in case there’s a copycat attempt.)

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