All Coked Up and No Place to Go

Billed as three times stronger than Red Bull, the energy drink Cocaine is running into at least three times as much mischief these days. The Chicago Sun-Times reports that the Windy City may ban the energy drink—at least as long as it’s sold under its current naughty name.

‘It is both shocking and shameful that the producer of any energy drink would call itself “Cocaine,” simulate the sensation of ingesting this harmful drug and then focus on marketing it to young people,’ said [Finance Committee Chairman Edward M.] Burke, who was joined by Aldermen Billy Ocasio (26th) and Ariel Reboyras (30th).

And the trouble doesn’t stop there. The AP reports that the big bad FDA is having none of Cocaine’s shenanigans either.

The Food and Drug Administration said Redux Beverages LLC is illegally marketing the drink as both a street drug alternative and a dietary supplement, according to a warning letter dated April 4 but publicly released Wednesday.

The FDA used the beverage’s own labeling against it, singling out statements including “Liquid Cocaine” and “Speed in a Can.”

Just another example of The Man trying to harsh everybody’s mellow. Next thing you know, they’ll be cracking down on “Heroin from Turkey Injected Between Your Toes: The Energy Drink” and “Crack,” the smokable drug you can enjoy in a glass novelty pipe.

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