It starts with an innocent question: How about a picnic in the park? Then you have to figure out what to bring. Go too big (that salt-rubbed free-range pig you casually haul out of your SUV to grill on the lawn) and you're an overachieving show-off. But go too small (a watermelon from the guy who sells them out of his van near the on-ramp) and you're a jerk. Lucky for you we devised this handy flow chart to help navigate that theoretically laid-back (but inevitably high-stress) summer ritual: eating outdoors on a picnic table bristling with splinters, battling ants and your Uncle Roger.